No matter if it’s a friendship or a relationship, we’ve all gone through this experience at least once in our lives. The problem with this is that sometimes we don’t realize we’re in a toxic relationship or we refuse and blind ourselves from seeing the red flags that are clearly right in front of us. Everyone sees them but us. Your friends shake their heads every time you talk about them and family members are concerned of your well-being. If this has happened to you, you may be in a toxic relationship.
From the beginning, I want to say that what you’re going through is normal and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. We’ve all been there; the important thing is to realize that you deserve better and to take the steps and decisions necessary to get out of that negative relationship.
Here’s a list of red flags to look out for when you’re in a toxic relationship:
1. You Feel Physically and Emotionally Drained Out
Have you ever experienced that feeling of not knowing how you feel anymore? You don’t know what to believe, or what to say; you just know that you’re tired and feel emotionally numb. That state is called emotional abuse, and it happens when you have constant problems with the same person, with no solutions and continuous disrespect. This is something to worry about because it can lead to worse scenarios in the future and will affect your mental health.
2. Continuous Ups and Downs
It is normal for a relationship to have its ups and downs, but when it becomes constant, it becomes a problem. A healthy relationship usually has a stable ground with a strong foundation when it comes to resolving problems. If you’re in a relationship where you feel constantly uneasy/anxious, never truly happy, and you don’t know when the continuous mood swings, fights, and disagreements will end, it is most probable that you’re with a toxic person.
3. You Are Always the One to Blame
Is it always your fault? Do you feel that no matter what you do, you just can’t seem to get things right with this person? If this is the case, this person is not right for you. Someone who loves you unconditionally doesn’t try to blame you for all of the mistakes made in the relationship; instead, this person recognizes his or her actions and understands that it was a team effort and tries to better his or herself for the sake of the relationship. Don’t believe the words they say when they try to pin it on you; you know better than that.
4. He or She Don’t Care If You’re Hurting
Have you had that scenario where you’re crying uncontrollably, maybe because of a fight that you had and this person just sits there cold with no expression on their face? This is not a sign of someone who says they “love” you and wants to be with you. If they don’t feel anything, they don’t console you, and instead get mad at you for feeling that way, you know the relationship will not have a positive outcome.
5. Invalid Trust Issues
Trust is something that needs to be earned; it’s not something some people give easily and it’s part of the foundation of every relationship. This is something understandable, but when your partner distrusts you for no reason, usually it’s not a good sign. Do you feel like you can’t go out with your friends without it becoming a 10 minute interrogatory of who you were with and what you did? If you have had or are having this situation, you know the relationship is not right.
There are many signs and red flags that show us that we are not in a healthy relationship. This list only shows a few of the most recognizable signs of toxic relationships, but there are many other signs that we can recognize in the moment. I know it’s tough to get out of a relationship like that, and it might take a few tries before you can actually say that you’re done with it. A friend once told me to follow your gut feeling with people; if something doesn’t feel right, recognize it and don’t try to blind yourself because you’re in love with a person who is clearly not there anymore. Live in the present. Is this what you truly want for the rest of your life? We both know the answer to that. Love yourself more and understand that you deserve way better.