Does it happen to you that, in the middle of a conversation with your family, they start fighting over a misunderstanding? This situation may represent a lack of communication that develops into a bad habit over the years. Communication is the key to strong and healthy relationships, so this kind of problem needs a solution.
As humans, we communicate daily, so effective communication is essential. There are eight main elements in communication*: the sender, encoding, message, media, decoding, receiver, feedback, and noise. At some point during the cycle, the noise can become a big interference between the sender and the receiver, causing the communication to crack. It is important to work on the lack of communication to avoid constant fights without resolution in a relationship. When good communication exists, confidence, respect, and love grow stronger. Communication should be in constant improvement so empathy and understanding continue to grow.
Although we know communication is important, for most of us, it is hard to have good communication within relationships. We all know what to improve in our relationships with partners, friends, family, and other relatives; the issue is taking that first step and being uncomfortable. For example, we might not even try to bring those modifications because we are scared about how rocky or full of obstacles the path can be. However, we should try anyway, step by step, because part of what scares people is being overwhelmed and confused by the sheer magnitude of it. For this situation, I recommend starting to implement aspects that I learned from the book Atomic Habits by James Clear.
I would recommend two strategies present in Atomic Habits: the power of 1% improvement and focusing on the system, not goals. The power of improving by 1% is about making small improvements daily, so that by the end of the year, we are 37% closer to reaching our goal compared to the beginning. For example, if a family practices the silent treatment when one of the members is upset, a 1% improvement that they can make is expressing that they are mad and may want to talk about it later. It may seem like a basic and unrevolutionary improvement at the beginning, but then they will become better at communicating their feelings and heal as a family.
Another strategy that the book recommends is focusing on the system, not the goal. We cannot achieve good communication simply by wanting it. Our goal is to have good communication, but we need to make a system to achieve it, because if we overwhelm ourselves with numerous different ways we could approach the situation, we will not accomplish our goal. Using the previous example, an idea of how we can make a system might be: first, express the emotion being felt and the need for space; then, after taking a break, talk about what upset them; and third, find a viable solution that the family can implement. The system will help them be more disciplined and consistent, while also achieving the goal.
If you made it this far, you might be thinking about those relationships that need improvement. That is completely fine, because it shows that you care and also want to work on the elements of communication. Do not feel stressed or disappointed because you realized change is necessary. Talk with your loved one about your feelings and ideas to strengthen the communication. No one needs to judge how you want to work on things, so trust the process and keep going. As I said, good communication is the key to better bonds with humans, so go and start improving by 1% and creating your system to accomplish the goal, because that might open a few doors.
Seven Main Elements of Communication:
- Sender: Person at the starting point of communication who expresses their thoughts or ideas to the receiver.
- Message: Subject matter of communication.
- Encoding: The process of translating the messages into communication symbols that can be understood.
- Media: The carrier of the encoded message that is transmitted to the receiver.
- Decoding: The process of translating the encoded symbols of the sender into an effective language.
- Receiver: Person who receives the message from the sender.
- Feedback: The process by which the receiver expresses his reaction to the sender of the message, ensuring that the message was received and understood.
- Noise: Any obstacle that hinders the communication process acts as a barrier to effective communication. It can cause the receiver to interpret the message differently.