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Where Do They Hang-Out in Rio Piedras?: President’s Edition

Is Obama more “El Bori” or “Mona Lisa” type of guy?

Commemorating President’s Day, let’s imagine what would happen if some popular president actually went to La IUPI and hung out in Rio Piedras. Would they play pool at “El 8,” or sing karaoke at “el Vidy’s”?After a long process of analyzing their personalities, here is:

Where Do They Hang-Out in Rio Piedras?: President’s Edition

Disclamer: Don’t take anything personal, it is not meant to be taken seriously. I am just making fun of stereotypes and showing how unrealistic they are. Also, I am not trying to degrade any of the following president’s work and achievement. I am just, in a satiric way, placing them in common college stereotypes.

 

George Washington

Derecho

The first president of the United States, can be commonly seen at the library reading or doing homework. He is working for his future while thinking about all the annoying college students who are wasting scholarship money buying beers and hanging out. Do not bother Washington with your “I was so drunk that…” stories.

 

Abraham Lincoln

La Beckett

Abraham Lincoln loved the theater and listening to music while wanting to sing like them. Therefore, he can be found at La Beckett for monologue nights or Thursday laughing at people’s attempt to sing karaoke. Even though he seemed serious, he will start cracking jokes after too many $2 “Medalla” and “Chichaito” Combo. At the end, he would finish his night by singing Bob Marley’s “Buffalo Soldier”.

John F. Kennedy and Bill Clinton 

El Boricua

These are the common player besties. You can find them drinking Heineken at El Bori while searching their next target. Basically, they’ll become each other’s wingman and keep it a secret from their girlfriends. Even though everyone saw them dancing salsa and hooking up with other girls, they still deny it to the end. What are we going to do with these boys?

George W. Bush Jr.

Brava

George W. Bush Jr. comes from a wealthy political and business family. Therefore, he will not be seen hanging out with the other students at Río Piedras. He can be found Thursday on Brava dressed with his Armani long sleeve shirts and Prada shoes. Bush will be constantly hitting on all the girls while bragging about his ex-president father and how he wants to be president, too. He will never go to Brava when it’s free because it will be filled with wannabes.

Barack Obama

Mona Lisa

Barack Obama is the intellectual goody two shoes guy that you never think of seeing in Río Piedras. However, you can find him at La Mona Lisa sitting with a group of friends, drinking beer while listening to an acoustic group. When all that booze starts to have effect, the jokester side will come out and he will grab the microphone for a philosophical drunk speech. He would then finish with a Kendrick Lamar song, “How much a dollar cost”, one of his favorites. Maybe that overachiever is not that innocent, after all.

 

Veronica is currently a student in the University of Puerto Rico Río Piedras Campus. She is double majoring in Accounting and Political Science. Veronica loves to read, cook, travel and learn about new cultures.
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