Fresh starts are usually known for being pleasant and perfect. Inside the ever-changing dating realm, this fantasy is known as the “honeymoon phase”. Much like the actual meaning we derive from the marriage phenomenon, it often refers to a time where everything is lovely and romantic. Nothing can be wrong during this bubblegum pink timeloop. More often than not, this kind of mutual infatuation and blissful romance is rather short-lived; typically occurring within the first few weeks or months of dating. In this stage, you’re starting to get to know that potentially-special someone. If you’re lucky enough to not get ghosted or rejected you might be able to gauge whether this interaction will turn out to be a good or a bad idea.
Once trust begins to grow between the both of you, you may discover things that change your perspective about your certain someone. Eventually, the honeymoon fades into reality; or specifically, more information about them could (once again) signal the success or failure of dating this person.
When we decide to like someone, or allow anyone in our lives despite what role they will play in our lives, it’s important to recognize both the good and the bad things these people have to offer. It’s unrealistic for us to only allow ourselves to acknowledge the good things about someone. We must be realistic enough to accept some bad/weird things will be included and be able to help, heal or maybe even fix some of those negatives (and by saying this I’m not supporting the “I can fix them” trend). When someone has the potential to be good in your life, but you decide to minimize their potential because of things or traits they have that challenge yours, it becomes more negative on your part than any other thing they could have.
It’s no surprise that we all carry baggage and traits that might seem weird, upsetting and even non-negotiable to some. However, allowing yourself to define this person and the outcome of your relationship based on the things you don’t necessarily agree with… What does that say about you negativaly? For instance, remember that your counterpart also has to deal with what you drag along from your life and past relationships. However, this doesn’t mean that you should stay if the bad outweights the good… if that’s the case… run.
When the good qualities can possibly outweigh the bad… Why focus solely on the negatives? Why do we lower their evaluation based on the first quirky or weird thing they show, instead of creating a space for explanation and clarity? I get itーit’s important to avoid getting hurt at all costs. I’ll forever agree with removing yourself from people and situations that could potentially be bad for you, but isn’t the main reason we fall (or try) in love is to accept and care for this person? Specifically to hope to have the same thing reciprocated.
I’ll admit I dabbled tremendously on the “They’re a 10, but…” trend, but like any social media trend out there, it is almost impossible to not find yourself playing along with it. However, when you realize that everyone (including yourself) has something that could not necessarily make them a 10, you start to realize that the pressure to be a 10 in itself is something so unnecessary. As cheesy as it may sound, in the eyes of the right person, you will be a 10 regardless of what you like or don’t. Does the fact that he likes NASA and space sciences creeped me out? 100%. Was he also funny, attentive and enjoyed hearing me talk about fashion runways? 100% as well. Sometimes you gotta take what’s handed to you… or leave it.
As we wait to be a 10 in someone else’s life, it’s essentially important for us to see ourselves as one in our own. Being a 10 can and will include your traumas and issues, because essentially they are part of you. Although I forget at times, I like to think that I am more than my baggage, and being conscious of that is what truly makes me enough to be loved and cared for. Before we identify issues and negatives on other people, let’s make sure we got ours figured out.