The process, a complex and unpredictable journey we call life.
Now, what is “the process”? Is “the process” in the room with us right now? This concept refers to a series of progressive steps we take to get to an end point. Whatever endpoint that may be, as everyone’s life is different and there are too many people, each with their own goals, to narrow it down to just one. So what do we do when the end in question is unpredictable?
I’ll keep this one short and bittersweet, I promise.
One thing I’ve come to understand is that life brings up a lot of bitterness before we get to the sweet bits. An insatiable desperation to fit in and get all our ducks in a row taunts us as we grow older and closer to whatever goal or aspiration we may have for the future. As a 20-year-old college student with one too many problems on their horizon, it can get pretty cloudy and suffocating; adding in interpersonal relationships can complicate our lives even more.
When trying to find a spot in the pool of optimism, I usually end up in puddles and droughts of confusion, anxieties, and self-doubt. Mostly, the thought that there was no light at the end of the tunnel, especially when it came to my aspirations and the positive outlooks of my present and future, really stood in the middle of my growth, which is something I hope many others can relate to. Yet, amidst these conflicting feelings, here I am preaching about trusting in the process.
Something I have observed about humans is that for some reason we are usually very stubborn when it comes to living and letting live. Everything needs to be controlled, even to the smallest detail. We don’t allow ourselves moments to play with the cards we are dealt, instead we keep pushing incorrect pieces into different puzzles, bluffing our way into different eras and stages, and holding on to every past door or link we’ve had through our lives, because we can’t see that sometimes we have to let go. We’re not supposed to have all of life’s mysteries and problems figured out. This is the first and only life we get, yet we waste it away on tangents and riddles, on “ifs” and “buts.” Sometimes we are so guilty of that last part it’s ridiculous, even I can recount all of the times I have failed myself by putting up with such unrealistic expectations and half-truths.
I’m no Mr. Miyagi here, but I have definitely grown and learned a lot in my short years. As you get older, you come to understand how often you’re your own worst enemy, but also your greatest ally. To be so is to understand and have patience with yourself.
Sometimes it’s easy to sink into every doubtful, faithless, and inconsistent thought, just because it’s comfortable. Life is filled with too many paths, roads, and possibilities ahead, those of which we are responsible for, and my god, that is an absolutely horrifying thought, but it can be so, so exhilarating and intriguing!
You might even be reading this like “where is this madwoman going with this?” which is totally valid. The point I’m trying to make here is: whichever way you want to read this, let it be through optimistic, pessimistic, or neutral eyes, I feel the need to express that the process knows if you’re trusting it or not. It’s really easy to lack faith, to hold on, to not let go of certain things or feelings. Everything is a test to see and understand that trusting the process involves detachment of all that does not nurture our growth.
The benefits of waiting for all to fall in order will always outweigh the uncomfortability, which is just temporary.
As you let it go, let it be free. That’s when you will be able to receive the fruits of your labor and you’ll realize the worth of nothing being everything and everything being nothing.
Will you let go?
Just because it’s the only memory or anchor to a past version of yourself that shielded you from the circumstances that you have dealt with and prospered from, does not mean you have to stay carrying them.
(Art by Spencer Nelson)