A little while ago, I wrote about Sleeping at Last, an artist that encapsulates aspects of life in beautiful melodies. Since he’s one of my favorite artists, I wanted the world to know more about him and so I wrote about his music and how some of his albums cater to different aspects of the world. At that moment, I had no idea what surprises were in store for me. Sleeping At Last was one of those artists I would always listen to from a streaming platform. I rarely heard of concerts he’d do, let alone tours. It never crossed my mind that I’d have the possibility of listening to his music live.
Oh, the sweet clueless child I was.
I remember logging into X (Twitter) and wanting to cry at seeing that Ryan O’ Neal would be performing a concert in Chicago. At that moment it was sold out, so as soon as I received that piece of happiness it went down the drain. There was no way I’d be able to find tickets, not even by writing to the venue itself (and believe me, I tried). From that moment on, I remained on top of every type of news regarding the artist. I checked my emails regularly, and entered X more than once just to make sure no tickets were released without my knowledge or to see if any functions were added.
Image from Sleeping at Last’s website
Then, like a guiding light in the night, the New York concert was announced. Had I ever been to New York? No. Had I ever gone on a trip alone? No. Was I missing that concert? Nope! There was only one choice, and I made it at check-out when I bought my ticket without planning for anything else. No flight, no stay, no trip mates, nothing. It didn’t deter me in the slightest. There was an undercurrent of energy propelling me forward from the moment I bought that ticket. I had no plans, but I knew I was going to be there that Thursday to see one of my favorite artists.
As the date drew closer, no one was able to jump with me on the trip, so I planned it all out as a solo trip and went. I booked a flight, a hotel, made myself a mini-itinerary, and said well, let’s conquer New York once we are there. I have so many memories from that trip, all raging from New York attractions I visited to personal growth. It’s truly something different to go on a trip alone, to enjoy yourself and love yourself by making time for the things you enjoy. I could make a whole article just about that.
But, going back to the matter at hand. The concert was groundbreaking.
I want to believe the artist enjoyed that moment as much as everyone else in the audience did. I don’t remember crying that much at a concert since I made my dreams of seeing BTS live come true. There are an array of songs crafted by Ryan O’Neal that simply tug at the strings of life, love, and the universe. I believe that art is one of the purest ways of understanding our existence. Love, sadness, anger, we battle with finding outlets, with finding sense in such an abstract and malleable world. Ryan, through Sleeping at Last, makes patchwork sense of these things. It’s one of the things that pulled me into his music.
Getting to hear that live? It was as if lightbulbs were flickering and coming alight all at the same time. I remember that near the end of the show, Ryan sang “Nine,” the last song on the Atlas: Enneagram album. At first, I was quite sad because “Eight,” the song just before it, is my all time favorite song, which also encapsulates the personality type I identify with. However, as the chords for “Nine” filtered through the air, and those first few lyrics made their way to my heart, I could only think: “What better way to finish this with?”
“How do I forgive myself for losing so much time?” I remember tears springing at my eyes again, my entire trip had been a love letter to myself. It was a space of learning about who I was and what I wanted. A realization that I should focus on that more. I don’t have the means to always gift myself a trip, but I do have the means to show myself care, affection, and to give myself the gift of enjoying life. “A little at a time, I feel more alive again,” I didn’t even record the concert. I have like two clips taken by shaky hands and at bad angles. I could barely see through the tears I was holding, not of sadness, but of fullness. A wonderful feeling of witnessing beautiful art in vivid color, in awe-worthy sounds.
This article is one of the most daunting and hard articles I’ve ever written. Not because of the topic, not at all, but because I feel unable to transform the feelings of that night into words. I’m quite sure I could quote more than a few of Ryan’s lyrics to express myself, but I think that the lack of content in my sentences serves as evidence of my experience that night. I was left speechless.
Carnegie hall (picture taken by me)
That Thursday was a gift, it felt as if connecting on a deeper level with songs that have, for years, served as diary and comfort. Songs that have accompanied me in hours of thinking, is life the gracefulness we feel in Saturn when, even as someone leaves us, we grasp at the good left behind? Is it the warmth of Sun, injecting us with energy, filled with possibilities? Is life the grounding of Earth, the hug of our existence and beliefs? How much do we manage to understand about our interactions, feelings, and plain being through art?
That night, I managed to understand a lot. To admire, keep close to my heart and to remember, most of all, why we love art and music the way we do. Why it should be protected. I don’t particularly believe you need to know an artist’s entire discography or be well-versed in them to enjoy a concert. Everyone that could’ve gone that night would’ve cried with me. I am sure of that in more ways than one. I invite anyone to listen to Sleeping at Last, because I believe it is the type of music which transcends concrete interpretations. It can be a revelation, an understanding, or a simple enjoyment. It is music which can cater to anyone and that, without a doubt, tugs at the heartstrings of everyone. Even more so live.