My 20 Seconds
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Wake up.
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Open your eyes.
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Spend those 20 seconds contemplating the start of a new day… Will it be a good one? Will you lose yourself? Will you lose somebody? Or will you just lose?
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Ask yourself… Am I strong enough? Am I being too strong, limiting my ability to trust, hope, or love? Limiting my humanity…
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Could that really happen? It should be impossible, it’s not like I can just become a robot. It should be correct to be like this. They told me, everyone says it, since I was younger and innocent, the world is a tough place. I have to be strong, I have to be stronger and make my mark.
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Was I always like this? No, I was innocent. Did I change that much? How could I change that much?
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When did I change?
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I remember a time when I didn’t really care what people thought, when opening my heart through poetry or expressing my feelings wasn’t a big deal. When I could trust.
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Now I just can’t. I have just forgotten how. Can’t even trust myself sometimes.
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No control of what I do, what I think, or what I say. Just no control.
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I used to be smart, liked to study and read a little. Wasn’t really popular, but my friends were, I didn’t really fit in the group. I was like that puzzle piece that isn’t part of the set but you just keep it in the box just in case you someday find where truly it fits.
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Maybe that changed me. I wasn’t really bullied but I had a first row seat in the listing of other people’s imperfections, undeniably similar to mine. Could that change me? Am I just looking where to place the blame? Will I ever find these answers?
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Then come the other questions, the important ones that decide whether I’m sick or not, if I go get professional help or just suck it up.
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Am I lonely? Yes.
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Am I sad? Sometimes.
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Am I depressed? No.
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20 seconds are up. Stand up and go on with your day. First look into the mirror to see what you are now.
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Am I perfect? No.
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Am I happy? Sometimes.
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Am I happy with just being alive? Yes.
So have you ever thought about your 20 seconds?