Looking back at some of my favorite shows and movies, I’ve noticed they all have something in common. See, I often find myself teary-eyed over seemingly trivial scenes, and I’ve only recently begun to understand why. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present the bane of my existence: mommy issues! Aren’t they neat? So, in the spirit of self-discovery, I have compiled a list of some shows and a movie guaranteed to bring my mommy issues to the surface. Warning: Spoilers ahead!
Everything Everywhere All at Once
I’m starting this list with a rather obvious choice. Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) is quite an appropriate portrayal of mother-daughter conflicts. The film as a whole is somewhat complicated, as it handles a multiverse and many differing timelines, but really, in its essence, it’s a story about a family that desperately needs to reconnect.
Retrieved from Wikipedia.
Evelyn, a middle aged Chinese immigrant, is thrust into an insane adventure in which only she can save the universe by connecting to and exploring all the lives she could have led. The threat she has to defeat is her own daughter Joy (or Jobu Tupaki) from another timeline, an omnipotent being set on destroying all life and existence.
Disregarding the logistics, Evelyn tries to reconnect with her real daughter through Jobu Tupaki. Yes, she wanted to save her world, but she also wanted to save her daughter. Their battle climaxes outside the laundromat at their Chinese New Year party where Evelyn confronts Jobu. She had been lost in nihilism, the belief that nothing matters, but Evelyn counters with a message of hope: “Maybe it’s like you said. Maybe there is something out there, some new discovery that will make us feel like even smaller pieces of shit. Something that explains why you still went looking for me through all of this noise. And why, no matter what, I still want to be here with you. I will always, always, want to be here with you.” Because, after all, Jobu had indeed been looking for Evelyn all along; she went after her mother in every timeline, trying to find the one version of her who would understand.
Retrieved from Los Angeles Times.
Something shifted in me the first time I watched this movie. Evelyn’s half-hearted acceptance of her daughter being a lesbian, referring to her girlfriend as “just a friend” in front of her family, the conflict between Evelyn and Joy boiling down to how alike they were, Joy’s desperate journey across time and space, searching for any version of her mother who might understand—it all hit a little too close to home… The relationship between a mother and her daughter, two planets colliding, bound by the same fabric but living worlds apart. No one wounds us quite like our mothers can, and yet we keep chasing them, longing for their acceptance.
Retrieved from Youtube.
Grey’s Anatomy
It’s hard to sum up a show with over twenty seasons, but what I want to focus on is Meredith Grey’s relationship with her mother, Ellis. Ellis Grey was a renowned surgeon who developed early onset Alzheimer’s. She was a tough (which is putting it kindly) and absent mother. Meredith, following in her footsteps, also becomes a surgeon.
During Meredith’s residency, Ellis is rushed to the emergency room at her hospital where she suddenly becomes lucid. She had no memory of the past years and when she discovers that Meredith is in love and happy, she lashes out at her: “Anyone can fall in love and be blindly happy, but not everyone can pick up a scalpel and save a life. I raised you to be an extraordinary human being, so imagine my disappointment when I wake up after five years and discover that you’re no more than ordinary. What happened to you?”
Retrieved from Pinterest.
Many seasons later, when Meredith has children of her own, she has a conversation with her eldest daughter Zola, who asks: “What if I don’t want to be a doctor?” To which, Meredith replies: “That’s completely fine. You are so intelligent and so creative. You are going to make your mark no matter what you do. You have always been and will always be extraordinary.” This parallel, Meredith breaking the cycle, is such an important moment because it shows she’s actively trying to be a better mother to her daughter than Ellis ever was to her.
Having a mother who’s a surgeon can be tough, especially when it comes with such high expectations. So, I’ve always been able to see my own relationship with my mother in Meredith’s relationship with her mom. Constantly feeling like a disappointment, even when I excel at what I’m doing, simply because she envisioned different plans for me or because she expected more—it leaves a mark. This show is a reminder that I have the power to break the cycle, to give my future children a better life, if I ever wish to have them.
The Good Place
In The Good Place (Season 3, Episode 6), the humans travel around Earth, trying to help their loved ones in an effort to maximize their point total, so they could eventually get into The Good Place. Eleanor (Kristen Bell) and Michael (Ted Danson) visit Eleanor’s mother, Donna, who had supposedly died, but had instead faked her death and moved to the suburbs in Nevada. Eleanor finds out her mother is now living a normal life—she’s in a new relationship, she’s a step-mother, and she appears to have her act together.
It’s worth noting that Donna never really took care of Eleanor as a kid, which makes Eleanor believe that her mother is running a scam. Michael, however, tries to talk some sense into her, asking why she’s so resistant to the idea that her mother could’ve genuinely changed. To this, Eleanor says: “Because I wanted that mom! I wanted the mom who made me afternoon snacks instead of just telling me to look for loose fries in the McDonald’s ball pit. Why does Patricia get that mom? If Donna Shellstrop has truly changed, then that means she was always capable of change, but I just wasn’t worth changing for.”
Retrieved from Reddit.
This scene has always stuck with me because, while I’ve never experienced my mother changing for someone else, it brings forth a longing for her to be different. Watching other people’s relationships with their mothers can be very difficult since I can never stop myself from wishing my own relationship with my mother could be like that. It’s human nature though, isn’t it? Wanting something to be different, when deep down we know it’s never going to happen.
Retrieved from Pinterest.
While I often find myself wishing my relationship with my mother was different, I also recognize that these struggles are a part of who I am. They remind me that life is complicated and that it’s okay to feel frustrated with the cards I’ve been dealt. So, as I continue to work through my feelings, I encourage you, dear reader, to do the same. Just remember that family isn’t only defined by blood—it’s forged from the magic, laughter, and support of those you love.