I consider Halloween to be one of the best holidays. Not because of the scary factor of it all (although it makes it fun), but because it’s the one night in the whole year where you can leave the house wearing something you would normally never wear and nobody bats an eye. Tiny dress? Sure. Fake blood? Go crazy. Full face of glitter? Hell yeah. That’s kind of the whole point of this holiday.
However, when it comes to women and Halloween costumes, there always seems to be an opinion that nobody asked for. If your costume is too simple, you’re boring and didn’t even try to dress up. If you go all out for the costume and commit, you’re doing too much. And if your costume happens to be sexy, suddenly everyone thinks they know exactly why you choose it — obviously it must be for men. Apparently, there can’t be any other explanation; that’s where it gets insufferably annoying.
There’s this idea that when a woman wants to look hot, there’s someone she wants to look hot for. As if choosing a tiny dress, doing your makeup a certain way, or showing more skin automatically means you’re seeking male attention.
But what if I just think I look good? God forbid, right?
Sometimes getting ready is half the fun of Halloween. You’re with your friends in a room listening to music (maybe pregaming), makeup everywhere, a thousand clothes on the floor, someone asking to borrow your lip liner, while three people are trying to figure out whether their costumes actually look like the Pinterest picture. You finally put everything together, look in the mirror, and actually love how you look. That feeling doesn’t necessarily have to involve a man.
I honestly think that’s what gets lost when we talk about “sexy” Halloween costumes. Since I was teenager, I remember my mom turning the word “sexy” into something that I shouldn’t strive for. Not necessarily because it was wrong, but because showing skin meant I’m intentionally attracting men; as if the way men react to women’s bodies is somehow our responsibility. Instead of teaching women to cover up, they should teach men to not automatically sexualize them. It’s time us women start taking back this word for ourselves.
Women are already sexualized enough in everyday life, but Halloween somehow intensifies it even more. A costume stops being something they choose because they feel confident; instead, it becomes something someone else gets to interpret. “She wore that because she wants attention.” “She knows guys are gonna look at her. Why would she wear that if she didn’t want people staring?”
Maybe because she wore that because she wanted to.
There’s a very big difference between wanting to feel sexy and wanting sexual attention. Those two things can exist separately, even though people love treating them as one. And the first one should be enough reason enough for why someone would want to wear a costume like that.
There’s also something kind of exhausting about how women are expected to find this perfect middle ground. Be attractive, but don’t look like you’re trying too hard. Show some skin, but not enough for people to judge you. Be confident, but not so confident that people find you intimidating or assume you’re looking for attention. It feels like there’s no way to actually get it right. So, maybe we should stop trying to.
This holiday is supposed to be fun. Your costume can be sexy. It can be scary. It can be completely ridiculous. You can spend three hours getting ready or throw something together in 20 minutes before leaving. You can be a character nobody recognizes or wear the most basic costume imaginable.
The point is that you wanted to wear it.
Sometimes, it really is that simple.
You put something on that you would never wear any other night, spend way too long on your makeup, look in the mirror and think, wait, I actually look so good. There doesn’t always have to be something deeper behind it.
Halloween is meant to be about becoming whoever you want for a night. So yes, maybe my Halloween costume is sexy. Maybe it’s tiny. Maybe I look really good in it.
And that doesn’t mean I wore it for you.