The term “friendzone” tends to be thrown around a lot, and I used to believe this to be an actual thing because of how often it was used in high school. Looking back to that, after having grown up, I’ve noticed how much I have come to disagree with the friendzone, so I’ve come to believe that it doesn’t exist–not in the simple way we wanted it to.
The friendzone tends to be used as an excuse to try harder. Often times, you’ll find someone that has categorized themselves as being within this zone, and they’ll make it their mission to get out of it. The problem with this notion is that there will be moments when the person trying to get out will overstep a boundary, but fall back on the friendzone as an excuse.
Why are we manipulated into believing these things? The truth is that if someone says “No” to your advances, be them sexual or simply to be more than just friends, it’s because they’re not interested. Denying them the right to say no places you in a position that might be constituted as harassment. If someone says no: they are not playing hard to get. They are not saying it so you’ll try harder, and they probably mean it. When someone is interested in you, they will show it.
A true friend would not make another feel uncomfortable! A real friend does not: push someone’s limits in an unhealthy way, tell them they’re making you feel bad for not feeling the same way, or pressuring them into giving you at least one chance. Many times, people have had to specify that “no means no” to someone that swears their intentions are honorable, but how honorable can they be if they keep disregarding your feelings and what you think is your best interest for yourself.
The usage of terms like the “friendzone” or the “nice guy” is a common form of manipulation to convince the said person of interest that they are in the wrong for denying someone’s company. There’s no question that this is a form of abuse of power. The saddest part is that this can happen or has happened to anyone reading this. Therefore, it needs to stop. Women or men of any age should not be convinced that because they say No to a friend that places them in the wrong. People should not be forced to feel bad because they have made someone else feel rejected. It’s your choice, and that should be enough.
If someone falls back on the friendzone excuse: they are not a real friend.
If someone convinces you that you are in the friendzone and you should get out: educate them.
Disclaimer: This post is based on the author’s experiences. Image credit: 1, 2, and 3.