The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
The urban dictionary defines a Pick Me Girl as “a girl who goes out of their way to impress boys and make them seem that they’re “not like other girls“. In other words, a pick me girl can be thought of as a simp of sorts, but for girls. This stereotype is also known as a form of internalized misogyny. These types of girls bring other women down as part of their unyielding efforts to show men that they are the exception.
Some examples from pick me girls that come to mind are Bella from the Twilight Saga and Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games. They were not like the other girls in their respective universes. On the contrary: they were masculine, known for being social outcasts, and refused to wear makeup or dress up. In summary, they disliked everything about being feminine, and from what we see in the movies, they were “special” because of it. For some reason or another, all eyes were on them, especially the guys.
It was not until I finished high school that I noticed I was a pick me girl. Learning to unlearn your way of thinking can be a both tedious and confusing journey. You overthink your sense of self and the reasons behind how you choose to behave, present or interact in specific ways. Once I started changing my way of thinking, I realized that some people I knew were also internalized misogynists. One peculiar phrase that kept popping up was “Girls are full of drama; that’s why all my friends are boys”. I don’t know if that person noticed, but they’re also a girl… Another phrase went around the lines of them not needing to use makeup, because it is unnecessary, of which I was a victim. For me, makeup was a way to look better in front of people, and today I still kinda think that. However, I came to realize that it’s also a way to express yourself. There’s nothing better than sitting alone in your room and doing your makeup just for yourself.
And these are some examples of what a pick me girl does and thinks. If you identify with one of these criteria, then I suggest you read some tips I use to keep myself in check of any Pick-Me-Girl tendencies:
- Ask yourself if you’re bringing down other women. If so, with what purpose? (ex. to impress someone)
- Look for different perspectives.
- Assume responsibility/accept your internalized misogyny
- Be open to being wrong and to embracing new ideas
- Be kind and patient to yourself
If you’re close to someone that acts this way, don’t attack them and put them on the spot. Try asking questions about why they think that way. By starting a conversation and understanding their perspective, it’ll be easier to grasp where they’re coming from.
It’s not easy accepting you’re wrong, so it’s essential to treat yourself and others with love in the process.
If you’re still interested in learning more about the “Pick Me Girl” archetype, I recommend The Take’s video on it: https://youtu.be/SWjJQcVix-M