I think I can speak confidently when I say we’ve all experienced embarrassing moments. Even as I write this, I reflect on moments where I made situations ten times worse by saying the wrong thing or acting the wrong way. We all have those cringeworthy flashbacks that make our skin crawl — the times we wish we could erase, but can’t. For me, the horrifying flashbacks reappear at random moments, like right before falling asleep. So, even though we avoid being embarrassed, could facing embarrassment be the key to living a better life?
Why do we feel embarrassed? According to Psychology Today, “embarrassment is considered a ‘self conscious emotion,’” which usually involves an individual acting in a way that isn’t well received by other people, making them feel acutely self-aware. Either the other person gives you a reaction that you didn’t expect, making the situation awkward, or they make it a source of laughter directed at you. Okay, yes, it does not sound appealing to experience embarrassment if your own dignity is at stake, but it’s both essential and natural. Because while not everyone reacts the same in embarrassing situations, some feeling it more intensely than others, one thing is true: you are not alone.
Currently, I still laugh a little when I reflect on an experience I had the other day where I had to overcome an embarrassing situation. I was alone in my apartment, deeply homesick, and with a completely free Friday afternoon. After spending my morning rotting in bed, I spontaneously decided to go out to a nearby coffee shop, which was random since I’m not really an avid coffee drinker. Nonetheless, going out seemed better than being stuck inside my small bedroom. So, without thinking too much about it, I dragged myself out of my comfy sheets and got ready to go out — alone.
Doing things alone always felt a little embarrassing to me, since I enjoy doing things alongside others. So, once I was alone in the coffee shop… I definitely felt awkward. I physically had no idea what to do. For some reason, when doing new things, you feel like everyone else around you knows it too; so it’s almost like being watched. Being the overthinker that I am, I could have sworn that everyone in that coffee shop was overly concerned about me taking up a table with two chairs while everyone else was in groups — I know, scandalous!
Of course, I felt very uncomfortable, even sweating a little because the air conditioner wasn’t hitting me. I waited impatiently for a hot cappuccino that I ordered — panicked — because, again, not a coffee drinker. So, whilst waiting, I decided not to think about everyone around me and just relax. Yes, being alone made me uncomfortable; and yes, I had no idea what to do with my hands, but I was okay. Eventually, I started to journal and slowly accepted that what I was doing wasn’t a big deal, even when, at first, I made it out to be.
Since the rise of social media, everything we do nowadays feels almost like a performance. It changes how we act around others, especially how we behave when we’re alone in a social setting. Sometimes I tend to forget what to do with myself and naturally whip out my phone to text my friends about how awkward I feel. Instead, I’ve learned that simply starting a conversation with the person next to me can actually be more enjoyable than scrolling through Instagram Reels. We all know how judgemental the internet is, and we’re all subject to trying to fit into what is “socially acceptable.” However, it’s also critical to remember that there is a world outside of our screens.
We build up the worst scenarios in our heads of what could go wrong, when, in reality, no one is paying as much attention as we think they are. At first, it felt so weird being alone at uni: asking random people for help to find my classrooms, sitting alone to eat, or simply studying. But after actually doing it, you realize that it’s never that deep. Everyone experiences the same things — it’s completely natural. What I have learned is that it’s better to go through those “embarrassing” moments than to never have gone through them at all. Every single one has been essential to who I am today. Slowly, as I learn to face embarrassment, this awareness has helped me do things freely, unashamed to simply live.