Ask Juno: Confessing to Someone in Your Friend Group

I have a situation, but I am so afraid to ask my friends because I feel like I'll be judged and it's sort of embarrassing. So, there's this guy I really like... well, sort of, because I try my hardest to push it aside because he is my friend and I have zero chance with him. That, and also, I have this fear of getting into something serious, because to be honest, I don't want a relationship, but, then again, I do. I don't know what to do. I know, it's such a mess.

Dazed, Confused and Crushing

Okay, first of all, you shouldn't be afraid to ask your friends about your situation. Your friends shouldn't judge you for your feelings. They should try to be helpful and if they can’t help,  that’s fine too, as long as they don’t make you feel bad for your what you feel. Another thing, don’t worry about having a mess in your head. That is completely normal. It’s alright to not have your feelings sorted out all the time. Sometimes we need a space to be confused and then we slowly untangle the threads. You shouldn't try to push your feelings aside because if you don't try to get in touch with them or don't act on them, you'll stay with the doubt of what could've happened. Stay in touch with your feelings. As for your actual question, don’t assume! You’ll never know if you have a chance if you don’t try. You need to put yourself out there. It’s better to say, “oh well.” than “what if?”. However, I do recommend that you figure out what you want. You need to find out what’s best for you, because if you don’t, you might end up hurting yourself and the person you’re into. Date yourself first and then decide if you want a relationship or not. Relationships can sometimes sound scary, but they don’t always mean serious commitment. You can be with someone and go out with them casually and slowly figure out what you want. It’s not completely realistic that you meet someone and just know that they’re your soulmate or that you’re in it for the long-haul. Also, think about what attracts you from a relationship: Is it the emotional intimacy? Do you want a sexual partner? Do you want someone you can always count on for dates? When you have the answer to those questions, you can also figure out what you want. You don’t necessarily need to be in a serious commitment to engage with someone in the ways mentioned above, unless that’s what you want to do.

You can always confess your feelings to him. This could go in a few ways, and the two most common are:

  1. You are both mature and stay friends, even if he does say he is not interested in you romantically.

  2. You stop being friends.

There’s the potential that things may not get weird, and that’s great. You just have to think if you want to change it or not. Is your friendship strong? It’s your decision.