As long as I’ve lived, one thing has remained constant: there has always been another person who has ruled over my body. This has been happening since I was a little girl: society, patriarchy, and many times, the Catholic church and religion have dictated me. Women have always been told what to do when it comes to their bodies. You need to handle and manage it this way and that (as if it’s a piece of property or some commercial good). We’ve been told to close our legs and how to sit down. Keep still and have good posture, always smile, be flexible and never snap. We’ve been treated as small perfume bottles: delicate, fragile things. This has been going on for so long that, unconsciously, we interiorize ideas that may seem harmless. We feel guilty for normal things, things that men don’t have to go through.
I know for a fact that I’m not the only woman who’s struggled with opening up sexually, and each one of us has a different story.
I was thought shame instead of how to embrace myself physically, and it messed me up. When I started exploring my sexuality and was involved in sexual activities, it was very hard for me. I constantly suffered from mental blocks and struggled with constant guilt. I hated carrying guilt that wasn’t and isn’t mine. I wasn’t the one who formulated these doubts within myself. This doubt and this shame were carefully implanted into my head throughout my upbringing. Nudity was never taught in a good context because nudity was wrong in all contexts. Instead of growing up embracing my body, I grew up in shame.
How come men are mainly the ones who are constantly forcing me to cover up my body in public spaces, but they’re also the ones that gaze at it with really disgusting intentions? Why am I the one who needs to accommodate myself for men? When was it okay to steal my sensuality from me? I could keep asking myself so many questions but instead, it’s here and now when I decided that I’ve had enough.
I can be sensual without implying it meaning that I want to have sex; I have the right to be erotic without being called a slut. My sensuality is the medium towards accepting, loving and embracing myself for the way I am. Every woman should feel free and safe to do so. We should be especially free to explore our pleasures and our bodies without feeling like we’re doing something shameful. We can start with simple things: discovering how to make my body feel more comfortable, like not wearing a bra. From now on, I’m the one who calls the shots. This is the first step to owning and embracing my sexuality and sensuality.
Visibility is important as well. We need to educate ourselves; it’s the key to stopping machista, sexist, and patriarchal ideals that are continually passed down from generation to generation.
We need to emphasize that nakedness is something natural and if you feel comfortable naked, do so (without infringing in others right, of course). It’s okay to masturbate. It’s okay to like casual sex. We should be taught to find out what we like, to set boundaries, to be sexual safely. Slut-shaming culture must come to an end. We need to work towards a much more liberated era where choice is stressed: where there isn’t a default. Women should feel as equally as free owners of our own body as men do because we’re truly magical beings, we’re so capable, so strong and beautiful that I can’t even put it through words.
A note to whomever feels ashamed:
It’s okay to feel this way as well. I, myself, have restricted myself from putting my name on this article for instance when I truly wish to do so. The truth of is that we have nothing, and we’re not doing anything, to be ashamed of and that’s what I want you to remember and keep in mind, but yes, we can keep the intimacy of it all, we can be open as we wish to be. You’re your own master and you can do what you please with your body, as long as you feel comfortable and do not harm anyone. So yeah, go on, have fun, embrace yourself, and love yourself. Be as sensual as you want. There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s just society trying to suck the fun out of it. Take care, babes.