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Sex + Relationships

Why There is Nothing Wrong with Being Scared of Commitment

DISCLAIMER: This article is going to be about romantic relationships; I’m not going to beat around the bush. This is not me saying everyone needs to be in one or even wants to. They are not for some people, that’s okay too.  There is nothing wrong with you if you feel one way or the other. 

I’m writing this for everyone who has ever felt like there was something missing in their relationships or with themselves. If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking about how much better you would feel single or how much easier your life would be if you could just do it alone. If you have ever felt burdened by being in a relationship, even though you felt like everything about your partner was perfect. The point I’m trying to make here is that when you find the right relationship, you won’t feel burdened, you won’t be scared of commitment. I’m being honest with you here; I’ve dated and considered dating a lot of guys. In most cases, one thing has always stopped me; I just couldn’t commit. I just couldn’t give myself to these people fully. The whole time I was with them I was thinking of how to get away. It wasn’t always my singular thought, but it always sat in the back of my mind. I just thought I was picky. I would get caught up for a couple of days and entertain the idea, but by the first week I was out. It did not matter how sweet, caring, funny, or smart they were. They could have everything I had ever wanted in a man, get along with my family and friends even. It did not matter, my skin still crawled at the thought of being with them for any extended amount of time. It felt like I was being suffocated and  no matter how good it should have been, I ran out of breath. 

For the longest time I had convinced myself that I would just never feel completely happy in a relationship. For the longest time I stayed in relationships where I was unhappy. I thought that everyone was just always a little unhappy. I forced myself to think that that was what love was, forcing yourself to be with someone even though you weren’t completely happy. After each relationship, once I dragged myself out, finally overwhelmed, I felt confused. I wondered if there was something wrong with me. These people seemed just fine, they liked things I liked, and enjoyed me. Why didn’t I enjoy them? I convinced myself I was scared of commitment. I told myself that I would just constantly be moderately unhappy with anyone I dated. I talked to girlfriends who had successful relationships and felt jealous. I wanted to get rid of that feeling of constantly having my emotional bags packed to leave.  

My advice to you, don’t give up. You will find that person that lets you, even helps you, unpack your emotional bags.

This relationship though, the one, you can’t overthink it.  And this is coming from the queen of overthinking. You can ask all my friends, I mean they must have a picture of me sitting in bed at 3 am staring up at the ceiling in the dictionary under the word “overthink.” The relationship that’s meant for you, will come to you. You can’t search for it and be constantly trying to make it happen. I’m not saying there is no chance you won’t have to fight for it and that there won’t be hard times, but you’ll know it’s the one if you want to fight for it. Because, when you know, you know. 

I’d like to say there is NOTHING wrong with being alone. Sometimes being alone is the only thing you need. No reason to pack your emotional bags when you are already at home. But, that’s for another article. A lot of the time, getting to your person that helps you unpack your emotional bags is an event in itself. I didn’t even find mine; his sister found me, and it went from there. Everything I went through until I found him though, was so worth it. 

All in all, what I’m telling you is to trust and listen to yourself. If you’re feeling scared of commitment, get out. This isn’t the one for you. If you’re not completely and fully happy, leave. Do not be like me, do not sit there and deal with your unhappiness. Do not stay in a relationship where your finger is constantly on the payment button for a plane ticket. You don’t want to grow old with someone who makes you live out of your emotional suitcase. Find someone who empties out a drawer in their home for you, someone who buys you a toothbrush to leave at their house, someone who keeps their pantry stocked with your favorite food. Most importantly, you will never fully be your best self in a wrong relationship.

 

A 20 year old transfer student and campus trendsetter at UNT who is passionate about equality. I love shoes and talking about things that hopefully help others.
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