Fresh out of high school, you expect many things: parties, new friendships, new love interests, and a new setting in general. For me, it looked much different than your typical “off to college” story. Being that I am the eldest of four, I always told my sister to never be the girl to go to college with a boyfriend – it just didn’t seem like fun. I mean, who wants someone to answer to about everything they do, right? Despite saying that to my sister, I went the complete opposite way and married my high school sweetheart two years after we graduated. Prior to being his girlfriend, I had been recently broken up with and convinced myself I would go to school in a different state and start new and boy did life have a different path for me.
The summer of my junior year going into my senior year, I started hanging out with my now-husband almost every day. He was lots of fun and made sure to always listen to me and made sure I was comfortable and having a good time wherever we were. I remember thinking to myself “I’m gonna marry this boy” and that’s exactly what happened. Two years in, we were 19 living life and having fun. I can almost say I even expected it to happen when it did. He took me to The Dallas Arboretum with the excuse of taking our very first (kind of) professional pictures together. We then planned our wedding and got married that same year, in October.
Marriage is beautifully amazing, but people don’t tell you how complicated it is to adjust to married life. Especially being so young and still being in the process of figuring it all out. Friendships and school become a complicated part of married life and that’s just the way it is. We were still trying to treat our relationship as if we were in a relationship together as boyfriend and girlfriend and not husband and wife – which is what took the longest to click for the both of us. As soon as two people get on the same wavelength, then it all makes sense. If you are married while in school or contemplating having your wedding young, here is how, despite all odds being against us, my husband and I have made it work-
Involve Each other
Involving each other in whatever you have going on is crucial. This way, you can both remain in the loop of things and not feel left out. Not only that, when you involve the other person in your things, it can make it easier for you to have friends. If you want to go outside and play with your dogs, ask your husband to come with you. Or even if you want to sit quietly and in peace reading a book, ask your SO to sit in silence next to you reading a book too or doing what they like. If you join a group or organization at school, it can be easy to get mixed up in the time of things and forget you are not fully a part of the college experience, which is why it’s is important to include each other in whatever you set your mind to.
When I joined HerCampus, I shared my excitement and application process with my husband. Which I found out only makes you feel better about the application process and actually encourages you more to go for certain things. Previously to applying, I mentioned to my husband how I wanted to be a part of a girl group like HerCampus but was too scared to apply. He encouraged me to and instantly became my biggest supporter. Had it not been for him and me sharing that experience with him, I doubt I would have applied. Treat your SO the way you’d like to be treated and the way you’d like to be included. It makes things 1000% easier, trust me.
Communicate
Communication is key, in any circumstance, regardless of what’s going on. One of the biggest adjustments for us was getting me to communicate my needs. I would often find myself being upset or angry at my husband for not doing certain things and just expecting him to. I have to constantly remind myself I have to say something for my husband to understand what I need at that moment, especially since he’s no mind reader.
Not communicating properly leads to petty arguments and resentment. I am a firm believer that communication is absolutely key when it comes to relationships and I am glad my husband and I caught that very early. I am the kind of person who keeps things in and shuts down. It was very difficult for me to learn to communicate with him properly but it is just a bump in the road when it comes to relearning. Once you learn to communicate, you realize it makes things much simpler for both of you- remember, you’re spending your life with this person, so at some point, you have to say what you need.
Dont treat each other like roomates, go on dates
There will be gray areas at times and things you have never experienced before. When you marry young, you have different interests and friendships, which can then lead to you guys not really spending time together. Not spending enough quality time together can severely damage your relationship, so I suggest you go on dates. Even if it’s just a stay-at-home date, take the time and effort to set something nice up or get dressed.
I suggest you do this every week, at least once. My husband and I try to have a movie date every week, even if sometimes it’s at home in our bed. Oftentimes, we opt to go to our nearest target, buy pickles and hot Cheetos, run home, and put Coraline on. Doing this every week gives us a chance to do something together because with crazy work schedules, school schedules, and appointments, sometimes it’s difficult to find the time for each other. Sure, we sleep in the same bed every night, but you have to dedicate your SO time and effort and make them feel special.
Have couple friends
When you’re married, friendships can get super tricky. There will be times when your friends leave you out, or simply stop inviting you places because you’re married. This is why it is important to find other couple friends; this way, both of you are included and can have fun simultaneously. Sure, it is important to have your own girl/ guy friends for GNO, but it is easier when the two of you are involved. Also, this prevents FOMO on both ends.
At times, friends might even tell you to have your own friends and do things separately, which I think only damages your relationship. We live by the “if you don’t go, I’m not going” rule. There is no point in attending something, like a party, if your SO isn’t there. This all ties in with all of the above: including them, communication, and not treating each other as roommates; it’s all part of a bigger picture. There will be times for you to have a girl’s night out, but when you’re invited somewhere with your other friends you may have, ALWAYS include your S.O.
Prioritize eachother
There will also take some time to adjust to familial relationships. You have to remember how it isn’t just about you and your family, but you and your spouse. You must put them above everything else. Sure, family and friends are important, but your SO is the most important.
You all should always treat each other as a priority – because you are. Things change, and people change too, but you have to remember your SO is there to go through life with you. You have to prioritize their needs before anyone else’s at all times. They have now become the most important person in your life which is why you have to do everything you can to make sure you’re doing your best (otherwise you would not have married them).
“Marriage is a risk; I think it’s a great and glorious risk, as long as you embark on the adventure in the same spirit.” —Cate Blanchett
https://www.brides.com/happy-marriage-quotes-5090433
My husband and I swear by these and I promise following our advice will make your relationship better – healthier even. I think there was a big leap we decided to take and it sure took a long time for us to get here, but through mutual effort, communication, and inclusion, we were able to only continue our relationship further. We were able to move from a gray area of the unknown, into the knowledge of what real love is actually like. When you learn to move through life simultaneously, you learn to love each other the way you deserve. These tips enhanced our relationship, and I truly believe they will do the same for you, too. Even though being in college at the same time was difficult to get used to at first, we did it, and we are living proof that through mutual effort, it will turn out the way you always dreamed of.