When Mamma and Nana first told me it was time to get birth control, I was terrified. I’m not going to lie, possibly not having a period without going through early onset menopause was exciting. But spoiler alert, the symptoms of birth control are more likely to model a biblical plague instead of a miracle. Being on Nexplanon for the past six months has resulted in extended and unwanted visits from aunt flow, mood swings and libido that is reminiscent of Rick the hormone monster.
Ironically, even though sex has never been a shy topic of conversation in my family, I was told to keep my birth control a dirty little secret. Sexual liberation was not the reason my nana hounded me to get birth control, it’s a line of first defense.
When my dad found out about it, all hell broke loose. Slamming on the breaks, eyes wide and face red, he refused to look at me. It was as if a modern-day Jezabel sat next to him instead of his little girl. I was ashamed and furious.
What am I supposed to say?
What am I supposed to do when pregnancy looms at every corner whether I’m sexually active or not?
The common answer is to cross my legs, put on more clothes, wait for marriage and not make myself a target. But a predator doesn’t care what I’m wearing; I’m a target either way, and saving myself until marriage is a scam. Girls are compared to fruit and seen as tainted if they have sex before marriage while boys are given a pat on the back and are told to wrap it up.
Some people don’t seem to understand that I’m not risking my health, fertility, and state of mind so I can have a “good ole college time,” but if I was, who gone check me boo?
Will they try to check me when the boy with the unwanted gaze and the unwanted touch has damned me to unwanted motherhood?
Will they try to check me when I’m crying in a corner because I can’t fathom the thought of carrying the seed of a monstrous act? Probably.
To fight this stigma and those who endorse it, we must be brave enough to openly talk to and teach our girls about sex.
We must be strong enough to change the narrative of women being an object of affection.
We must be proud enough to take sexual liberation from meaning dirty and tainted, to equal and free.