When I was a freshman in high school, my dad was diagnosed with ALS. ALS is a neurological disease that slowly degrades your muscles until you become paralyzed and your organs begin to not work. Unlike some diseases, ALS has no treatment.
For the next two years, my dad slowly lost his ability to walk, talk, eat, and breathe. I, along with my mom, acted as a caregiver for my dad and his needs.
Towards the end of my dad’s life, he started to lose himself. I really don’t know how else to describe it. He would say that people were in the house that weren’t there; he would apologize for things that didn’t happen. It was difficult to see him like that.
But it was even more difficult after he wasn’t there at all.
On December 2, 2017, my dad passed away – two years to the day of his diagnosis.
After he passed away, my house felt so empty. In the weeks after he passed, my mom and I got brought over so much food, I’m sure some of it is still in our freezer. I find it interesting the things people do to try to help people grieve. There’s always the people bringing food, but I find it more fascinating the people that try to “relate.” I don’t bring up my dad all the time, because I don’t want to be weird, but often when I do, it is proceeded by: “Oh wow, when my great aunt died…” Don’t get me wrong, losing someone is terrible, but comparison is not the way to help and understand going through grief. No one’s story is exactly the same, that’s okay, but don’t try to help by telling me about your dead grandma. Once, a girl started talking to me about her cremated dog after she saw that I kept my dad’s ashes in a necklace – definitely not the same.
I think it’s more difficult to deal with my grief now that I’m in college than before. For one, I liked that in high school, most people already knew my dad was sick and that he died. I didn’t need to tell them or explain it to them. Now, I frequently have this awkward talk with my friends that my dad is dead; it’s kind of weird not having them already know.
With the holidays and the anniversary of my dad’s death just around the corner, it is especially hard during this time of year. Literally the littlest of things can get me sad. Virtually any movie with a father/daughter scene – I lose it.
With all that being said, I do miss my dad – a lot. But I know now he’s not struggling to breath and barely able to move. Maybe one day, people will learn how to help comfort those going through grief without trying to relate to themselves in some weird way. Until then, I encourage you, if you’re going through a time of grief, to seek help from a therapist or a trusted friend.
Don’t bottle in your emotions or feelings, let yourself talk – it will relieve a lot of built up stress.