Remember middle school? When the world was your oyster? When you feel that every single person in your class was your friend? When you think you found your friends for life? That can’t be further from the truth now that we are in our 20s. Our 20s are full of nothing but change; in relationships, friendships, dreams, and even purpose. Recently, I have been struggling a bit with the idea that the people I loved and adored the most, are no longer friends with me. Sure, I love them to death but at the same time, things just aren’t the same. I feel as though most of the time, talks are forced or just not as interesting. Even then, there are times when we text each other happy birthday or a random “I miss you! let’s hang out <3" but never actually take upon it. Why is that? What changed? I get that people grow apart, but did we not swear to be friends until the end?
In my opinion, people drift for normal reasons. The only reason you are friends with some people is that you saw them every day, you played a sport with them, were in the same math class, or just knew of them. Everybody had the same idea of success and what they considered fun. You were all put together and were accustomed to one another. Naturally, you became friends with these people and swore up and down you’d be friends forever. For me, it has been one of the hardest things to go through. You share all these memories with these people you called your closest friends for years and suddenly one day, you just stop. You cut them out of your life as they do you. What do you do after that? Even then, when you do try to “link up” again, it’s awkward and most of the time, it is difficult to pick up where you left off. All the time I see people on TikTok and other social media platforms talking about how they go on trips and talk to their friends regularly whereas I, on the other hand, am currently struggling to keep my friendships alive. I have had the same friends forever, but as of recently realized, that we all want different things. We all have different interests and different ideas of happiness. I think the toughest part about healing and spiritual growth is realizing you’re losing friendships. It’s literal heartbreak.
As a part of the healing process, these challenges are sure to come. Whenever they do, make sure to be prepared to experience them. I have been learning to manage though. With the friends I do have, I try to talk to them when I can and plan things with them. Since we are all grown and have very different lives, we have to understand that there is just no time to do things, we have to make time.
Planning BFF Dates
Here are a few ideas to help you plan your next BFF hangout session without feeling the pressure of making sure everything is perfect and ensuring it is budget-friendly.
- Go get Coffee
- Go on a picnic together
- Take a walk at a local park/ trail
- Invite eachother over for girl talk and wine
- Watch barbie movies together (this is one of my favs)
- Go out to dinner
“I found out what the secret to life is- friends. Best Friends.”
Ninny Threagoode
It took me some time to realize that all my friends go through this stage of life. The only difference is we choose to continue to make time, regardless of what may happen. Things change, people change, but time and effort will sure keep a friendship alive if both people are in it. It was difficult for me to gain this reality check but I’m glad it helped me see what kind of people I wanted around me, and what kind of friendships I wanted to keep.
*DISCLAIMER*
Understanding that the people who want to hang out with you will make it known and the people who don’t will simply not reach out is life-changing and will make things easier. The people who want to be in your life will stay regardless of the circumstance. It is also important to remember to never beg for anyone’s friendship. There are so many people out there who want to be friends with you, you just have to find them! Don’t be scared to talk to someone and gain a new friendship. When joining HerCampus at UNT, I did it mainly to gain more girlfriends. I have met SO many amazing girls and honestly feel this is an organization for all women. Reach out to your friends and help plan things instead of watching your friendships fade.