He could have been an actual boyfriend formerly committed to a serious and exclusive long-term relationship. Maybe it was a few dates before he ghosted. Perhaps he was more of a friend-with-benefits in some sort of complicated ambiguous open relationship. Maybe it was the dreaded friend-zone. Or a flat-out rejection. Regardless, there was some guy:
So now he is an ex-something (ex-boyfriend, ex-friend, ex-crush, ex-love, ex-Senpai, ex-whatever-he-was) and lyrics of sad songs have never been more relatable or more accurately described the heartbreak inside:
While lambasting him behind his back at another fraternity’s intramural game with close sisters and friends seems relieving, the pain is still there and will worsen after spending all that time thinking about him. The more time spent thinking about him, the harder it will be to get over him. It is best to forget him altogether.
Other guys, sisters, and friends can definitely help in that respect, but never use anyone for anything. Do not use other guys to make him jealous. It isn’t fair to the other guy who would have otherwise understood and tried to help but now he is resentful and will go on to hurt the next girl. Break the cycle now.
Do not passive-aggressively post about him on social media. The only reason social media would get dragged into it is for validation of the agony. There is no need for validation of the agony.
Every member of the human race knows how much humiliation, rejection, and loneliness hurts. Everyone in the world knows how it feels to be rejected, lonely, unloved, ugly, and unwanted. Instead of resorting to the self-destructive mentality of spite and foolish revenge tactics, strive for more constructive and optimistic alternatives.
Physical Activity and Exercise
Simple tasks such as going for a walk around campus or cleaning the apartment will help, but a workout is better since exercise is proven to release endorphins. All UNT students have membership to the rec on campus. There are also several other gyms on campus, but those are mostly for intramurals and special events. The Pohl Recreation Center is what everyone means by going to the rec or the gym. If the Dog Chemist best describes how foreign and overwhelming the gym is, there is no need to worry.
The rec has group exercise classes and all the starred ones are free. The rest are $3 per class as well as options to buy passes. There are also personal trainers for $28 per session and plenty of gym rats on campus willing to help. Additionally, there are countless smart phone apps and online resources. Just search keywords such as “fitness,” “workout,” “exercise” in the app store or search bar. I personally use an app called SWORKIT. It is free in the App Store and has video tutorials for each exercise and adjustable time settings of each workout. I even typed “how to gym” in the search bar once and found a website called Nerd Fitness.
People and Socialization
As mentioned before, everyone knows and understands all of the feelings and emotions that hurt so much, especially friends, sisters, family, acquaintances, and maybe even a stranger who would be there to listen and offer emotional support if called upon to do so. Real friends will be there in the darkest hour. While no one wants to open up to strangers or really anyone about personal turmoil, a mere mention of a “break-up,” “ex,” or even “a bad day” should garner empathy from any decent human being. In fact, there is no need to mention it all. Just start a conversation with anyone about anything. College isn’t high school. It is a time to meet new people and that is never going to happen if conversation is never started.
When in line for a meal or free shirt or waiting for class to begin, put the phone down and start talking to someone nearby. Hit up Fry Street or the Square. Get involved on campus: join organizations that sound intriguing, attend events put on for the entire student body, go to games and cheer for the Mean Green. When studying or working on assignments, go to the library or the union or a coffee shop instead of cooping up in a dorm room.
The real reason why the break-up or rejection is so painful is because of the insecurity and doubt that there is no one else, that he was the last chance for any kind of love, that he was the only opportunity to not be all alone in the world…Tell those lies to shut up and start talking to new people. I know how hard it is to get out of comfort zones, so baby steps may need to be taken to overcome the anxieties. Make daily goals of greeting one stranger a day until it becomes second nature then gradually expand these goals until confidence is achieved. This will also help with professional networking and leaving an impression during job interviews.
The Arts
Sometimes the only therapy needed is to sit down and listen to music, draw on a sheet of paper, paint a canvas, read a book, sculpt from clay, dance it out, or write. Writing down the anger and sadness is a healthy way to vent without publicizing it. It doesn’t matter how incoherent or irrational. Just start writing. It doesn’t have to be an autobiographical account either. It can be a fictional narrative with characters going through similar difficulties.
After all the emotions and feelings are adequately expressed, there is the option to delete the document or recycle the paper and forget it or revise and rewrite the ramblings until an eloquent message is formed that can either be sent to the ex-something for closure, kept in a secret diary or journal or log, or after enough editing and if it is universal enough, it can be sent off to a publisher or a record label to transfigure into literature or song. This is how many authors, poets, musicians, and celebrities got their start so never give it up because the storm will pass.