“Just wait until college, okay? College guys will be mature, and they won’t be anything like these high school guys,” my mother would say to me as I lied in bed, crying over some boy. “Trust me.”
Of course, as a junior in high school, this was hard to hear, but now, I am in college. And wow, is dating so different, and much better, in more ways than one. Coming into college, I briefly dated a guy for about three weeks, and it was fun while it lasted, but then he broke up with me one night, and while it was challenging, it was the best thing that had ever happened to me in the long-run.
Afterwards, I was single for a little over two weeks. I learned a lot during that time, went on a date or two on campus after, quite embarrassingly, getting involved in dating apps. After the dates failed completely, I declared that I’d remain single for the rest of my first semester of college. I was just about to delete my account, when I decided to look once more, and I ended up matching with my crush, a guy I had met at Eagle Camp and had remained acquaintances with ever since. I cannot explain my excitement when the cutest, coolest, snazziest guy around slid into my messages saying, “What’s Poppin’?” and proceeded to ask me out for coffee, since we’re both coffeeholics. We’ve been dating for almost four months, and it’s going great (no, more than great-absolutely amazing!), thanks for asking!
So, now that you’ve been updated about my love-life, I’m here to tell you that my mom was right–college dating is so much different, almost incomparable to high school. However, dating in college certainly has its fair share of challenges. Coming into college, I expected guys to kneel before me, present me with everything I desired because they’re men now, right? But this wasn’t the case at all. I mean, sure, as of now I have my Prince Charming, but it took awhile to get here.
Below, I’ve listed six things you should know, as an underclassmen, about college dating:
1. Dating apps are where all of the singles are
“I don’t recommend [dating apps], but it doesn’t hurt. You never know who you’re going to meet.”
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Adora Gomez, freshman, who met her boyfriend on Tinder. They have been together for nearly four months now.
I’ve never been into dating apps. In fact, I pretty much dislike them, even if I did meet my dream guy on there, which is sort of hypocritical, but still. My girlfriends made me a Tinder account one night when they found me crying in bed (because getting dumped sucks!), and I immediately got sucked in. For the first three days, that was my life, and I had to force myself to put the obsession aside. And as I mentioned earlier, I almost deleted it until my crush messaged me.
But, unless you’re desperately trying to find a boy/girlfriend at this very moment, I wouldn’t recommend dating apps. I know they always say this, but there are thousands of people here on campus who are probably just as eager to meet someone. Try to get to know them, branch out a bit, and you might just find what you’re looking for beyond a phone screen.
2) When you both live in a dorm, it can be great, and tough all at once
“[My boyfriend and I] both live in the same dorm right across the hall [from each other]. [It’s] pretty convenient [because] we’re always close to each other… but it is risky, [so] exercise caution.”
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Angeline Sou, freshman, who met her boyfriend at UNT’s First Flight Week. They have been together for five months now.
My boyfriend and I both live in dorms, and while it’s awesome because we’re only about a five minute walk from each other, it can also be the most aggravating thing in the world. When we both have roommates, it’s sometimes difficult to really find alone time, because you can’t exactly kick your roommate out, nor do you want to. Sometimes, just sitting in the room doing homework together can be an obstacle. Of course, not everyone encounters this “problem”, but still.
Also, if you and your boyfriend both live on campus, you’ll run into each other all the time. Trust me, you will. Which is great, but… let’s just say that I see my ex every time I go to the Union. Talk about awkward!
3) When you live far from each other, it can most certainly be tough
“My girlfriend is still in high-school while I’m in my second semester of college. It gets really hard, being so used to seeing her everyday and now struggling to find a weekend to come home and see her. It’s like part of you is missing…. But we make it work, and we are growing as individuals and learning who we are by ourselves.”
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James Loftis, freshman, who met his girlfriend when they were in the same theater production. They have been together for two years and one month.
Now, I’m not in a long-distance relationship, but I’ve seen it from afar. When you’re at college, depending on your schedule, it’s not always easy to leave and drive for 30 minutes to an hour to visit your partner. Even going off campus on weekends can be too much when the workload is piling up.
It’s certainly not impossible, and in a lot of cases, it works, but long-distance relationships should be something that you sit down and think about hard. Ask yourself, “Is this right for me?” Because it’s not for everyone.
4) Balancing your relationship with school, work, finances, etc., can be a big challenge, but is easy to avoid
“The biggest challenge for dating in college is learning to balance school work, time with friends, and time with your significant other. It’s important to make time for all 3 and remember that school needs to be the priority! Some nights, I can’t talk to [my boyfriend] because I need to work on assignments, and it sucks, but we find time for each other.”
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Alex Barber, freshman, who met her boyfriend during high school. They’ve been together for five months, but because they’ve known each other for years, it feels much longer. Alex’s boyfriend lives in California, where she grew up.
School should be our number one priority in college, but sometimes we forget this when we’re dating someone. Suddenly, they become our number one priority, and we forget about our other responsibilities all together. The key is to balance school, friends, work and your relationship, prioritizing school at all costs. This way, if your relationship fails, at least you still have good grades!
Try writing a list of your priorities, and next time you want to snuggle with your partner but you have an exam the next day, you’ll, sadly, choose studying. Or, choose both, if you won’t get distracted!
5) You have more freedom, and it’s easier to go on awesome dates
“The best thing about dating in college is the freedom. My parents limited dating and [I had] strict curfews on me when I was dating in high school, so the freedom that comes with college… is absolutely fantastic!”
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Alex Barber, freshman
The freedom will feel strange at first, not having a curfew, going on spontaneous dates without asking for permission. But, don’t have that freedom for granted–make the most of it and go on amazing dates. Sure, watching movies together is fun, but it’s the grand experiences that we’ll really remember from college. Go on a coffee date to a new place, ride bikes together, or chill in a hammock together. Go to Karaoke night here on campus, or go to the square for books and ice cream.
There are so many different things you can do here in Denton, so make the most of it with your partner!
However, be careful, and don’t go out past midnight with random people. Just… don’t.
6) Everyone is busy “finding themselves” and figuring life out, even your partner
“Being able to have someone to fall back on when things get rough [is the best part about dating in college]. It’s also amazing to experience things together. We’re both learning and growing so much.”
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Adora Gomez, freshman
College is a strange experience for everyone. Being on your own for the first time, surrounded by new faces, having to pay for things yourself… it’s all so new and different. Sure, you might’ve paid for things in the past, but now it’s completely different–you’re on your own. (That is, if you live on campus.)
The majority of college students are so busy finding themselves, trying to figure out their life’s purpose, working their way around their chosen major, changing their entire clothing style to be “more unique”.
How does this relate to dating?
Well, your partner is probably finding themselves, too. Relationships as an underclassmen are weird sometimes, and can be complicated, because nobody really knows what they want.
The best thing to do is to be there for each other during this huge transition, and be each other’s support system. You might grow apart in some areas as the months pass by, but remain close anyways, and help each other out.
7) You don’t actually need to date
“I’m more focused on school, and I have a lot of me time, and I have a bunch of people I talk to, so there’s not one person I have to talk to always. I’m just not ready [for a relationship].”
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Chanceline Mbiaoh, freshman, who is happily single.
I know, I’ve mentioned a lot about dating and relationships in this post, but honestly? It’s perfectly okay to just be single. Many of my friends have chosen to be single, and they love it. It gives them time to understand themselves and prioritize school, clubs, and other things. I was only single for two weeks, but it was honestly a great experience. And, at the beginning of last semester, I was single for a while, and it was nice experiencing things on my own for once.
Being single is great, so don’t think you need to date, because nobody needs to date. Take this time for you, and do what you love, and do it well.
Now, here is some relationship advice to close out this post:
“You can only love as much as you love yourself. You don’t date to make yourself happy, you date to make the other person happy. Then you’ll see just how happy love can make the both of you.”
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James Loftis.
“If you’re meant to be together, you will. Also, always communicate! It will make things so much easier.”
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Adora Gomez
“Sometimes… people have a different dynamic of dating. Styles may not mesh, so you want to sit down and discuss preferences and what you tend to do when you’re in a relationship so both parties know what they are getting into.”
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Angeline Sou
“Be friends first and really get to know each other before transition into a relationship because it makes your relationship so much stronger. [Also], when you two are fighting, remember that it’s you AND [your partner], not you versus [your partner].”
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Alex Barber
I wish yall the best of luck with college dating! But, overall, don’t worry about it too much; everything will work out just fine.
Probably writing,
Brittney