Imposter syndrome. Defined as “feelings of inadequacy” despite every reason otherwise. According to multiple scientific studies, everyone at one point or another has felt like a fraud at something they are doing – whether that be at work, in school, or in a relationship. Some people feel this way in almost every situation: as if you could fail at being your own person.
That’s how I have felt my whole life. Despite knowing that everyone around me also feels like they’re the human embodiment of “fake it till you make it”, I still have always felt like I truly have no skill or talent to offer. This might sound ridiculous – people tell me all the time that I’m good at things, or I’m talented. But it’s hard to believe someone when all your brain tells you is that they’re lying, or they don’t see you when you’re struggling to learn a passage in your music, or to understand Tuesday’s lecture, or even to solve a “simple” math problem.
It’s true – people don’t see, or if they do, they don’t remember your failures. At the end of the day, as mean as it sounds, people don’t care about you like that. Everyone is so worried about their own problems, they don’t have the space in their heads to replay your failures and laugh (and if they do, they’re a psychopath). So, brain, you are right, but you’re also wrong. We as people are destined to make mistakes, and if you aren’t making mistakes then you’re probably from Mars (and I’d like you to take me with you). The key to mistakes is to learn, not to crawl back into your bed and pray for a meteor to strike you.
For me, the worst part of imposter syndrome is not the making of mistakes. It’s my brain totally underestimating what I can do and then justifying it. I have played soccer for 12 years, yet I decided not to try out for the club team because I convinced myself I would never be “good enough” and I would just embarrass myself at tryouts. Honestly, who even cares if I fall on my face or am a little rusty? Life is way too short to let my brain tell me that I shouldn’t be doing something because I’m not good enough. Why should you not be able to enjoy doing things? When did we decide to let our skill level dictate what we do?
My point is, imposter syndrome, as common as it is, tricks us into thinking we’re a magical exception to the rule of life. It makes us believe that we are special in the way that all of our hard work and effort goes out the door the second we fail or make a mistake, which is ridiculous. If you don’t fail at something, how are you ever supposed to learn? The trick to this is: aim for failure. Yeah, it sounds crazy, but how many times have you held low expectations of something and then are pleasantly surprised when things go well? Having REASONABLE expectations for something (aka not going so far as to assume you’ll burn down the gym during basketball tryouts) helps to condition your brain to realize that most of the time, things will be just fine, and there is no reason to tell yourself you can’t do it.
This is your life. I know imposter syndrome can be extremely difficult to get over, for anyone dealing with it. There is no magical potion I can give you that will make you say, “Wow, I am so amazing and talented and I’m going to go out and do what I want, no matter what others think.” There is no easy solution, and it might not ever go away completely. But my advice on this is to take a step back whenever you have those thoughts about yourself, and really think them through.
Is what you’re thinking actually the truth, or are you afraid of overselling yourself? Are you afraid of what others will think if you make a mistake? Most of the time, our brain blows things out of proportion in a sort of survival instinct, and it helps to take a second look at our thoughts and analyze if we’re even truly aware of our skill level or talents. Because usually, we’ve got more skill than we think.