Thanksgiving is fast approaching. For many of us, this means stuffing our face full of turkey, hiding the last of the cheesy potatoes for leftovers tomorrow, taking a long food-coma nap, and undoubtedly, gathering up your gang of ultimate shoppers for Black Friday.
Black Friday is growing to be a more and more controversial time of year, often taking away from the Thursday night festivities and Friday college football extravaganzas. Sometimes, Black Friday goes so far as to limit our travel plans if we are being forced to work in our college retail jobs. Black Friday always seems to get the best of us in some way or another. We either feel compelled to fight with the feisty old lady for that last holiday-decorated oven mitt or the 80 inch plasma that we just HAVE to have. Or, we are waking up at 4 AM to be to work in time to cope with the mass amount of shoppers.
Here are some tips for all of you college folk for the survival of the ultimate day of consumerism:
1) TIP NUMBER ONE: DO NOT WORK IN RETAIL. Quit in October to refrain from being sucked into the savagery of retail work on this dreaded day. Finish your last two weeks out in November and then drop them ASAP. While you may be seen as unreliable for the time being, just remember you can pick up a holiday job right after Thanksgiving! You will soon be seen as reputable again, making that extra Christmas money in no time! Not working retail on Black Friday is the best thing you can do for your mental and physical health. Trust me. I’ve been there.
2) If you do get stuck working through November, call in sick with the Bird Flu exactly two days before. No one wants to mess with the Bird Flu and you will still have a job. Works like a charm…
3) If you are a lucky duck and don’t have to worry about working, but your mom and Aunt Kathy are forcing you to wake up at the crack of dawn to go get a good deal on grandpa’s new food processor, then be sure to start your food coma early in the day. Eat as much food as you possibly can and then lay down for your Thanksgiving nap at 6 PM. This will allow you at least 6 hours of sleep before midnight shopping runs – a recommended amount for the average college student.
4) Make sure you have scoped out the territory. Before heading into the danger zone, take the shopping crew and make a plan of attack on how to get what you want the quickest. This may involve scoping out the store after hours so don’t be afraid to pull a Mission Impossible and swoop in via rope and harness from the ceiling…. Or you can just go in on a Tuesday at 2 PM. Your choice.
5) Dress in layers. You know Aunt Kathy and you mom are going to force you to take your turn saving their place in line while they go nap in the cozy warm car. So wear the following
· 2 pairs of long underwear – hit up Deluth Trading Company (where your grandpa shopped last Cyber Monday)
· 3 pairs of wool socks
· 3 pairs of yoga pants
· 1 pair of your biggest jeans to fit over the yoga pants
· 1 long-sleeved shirt
· 1 sweatshirt
· 1 heavy Coat
· 1 Hat
· 1 pair of mittens
· 3 scarves
The key here is as you get hot and want to take layers off, you tell people that you actually work for Scheels and are doing a special giveaway – start stripping away those layers and make some extra money (none of which will be shared with cranky Aunt Kathy
6) Bring a thermos full of coffee or some kind of caffeinated beverage. Your goal is to chug that thermos so you are in prime condition for executing Aunt Kathy’s game plan. Plus, you’ll stay warm and toasty if it tea or coffee!
7) This is a sprint. Not a marathon. So embrace those caffeine and mimic a squirrel on espresso trying to gather his winter nuts. Literally run through the store. You don’t want to be the sucker who gets trampled. Plus, the sooner you get what you need from the store, the sooner you get to go home and eat those cheesy potatoes you stashed away in your room.
8) Be nice to the retail workers because they are really sad right now because they don’t get to go home and eat cheesy potatoes for another 12 hours. They weren’t as lucky as you with the Bird Flu excuse, and instead they are having to deal with 5,000 shoppers at 4 AM and your cranky Aunt Kathy. You of all people know how terribly Aunt Kathy can be sometimes. So just be respectful and hand them your items gently. Don’t get panicked when the discount doesn’t come up right away – they still have to hit total. I PROMISE ALL THE DISCOUNTS WILL BE APPLIED – JUST LET THEM HIT TOTAL. (sorry speaking from personal frustrations)
9) Take a break. In between each stop. Go enjoy yourselves. Go feed Aunt Kathy to keep her chipper, otherwise, this will be a long day for all of you.
10) Repeat steps 7 through 9 until you have gotten everything on your list. Then go home and eat your cheesy potatoes that you have been thinking about since you woke up from your food coma.
So there you have it – my survival list for Black Friday. This may not be the most practical survival list for Black Friday; however, I do really want to say thank you to all the retail workers, many of whom are fellow college students. Your work on the day after Thanksgiving is sometimes thankless, but you help keep this tradition of family and friends shopping together alive!
…I’m going to go eat cheesy potatoes now.