College is a time where a lot of us girls hope to start dating more and ultimately meeting the man of our dreams. Those are always words of consolation during high school. “Oh just wait until college to start looking”, “Don’t worry about that d-bag, you’ll be in college soon”. Think about it. How many married couples do you know that met in college? Did your parents meet in college? Just other day my dad called me and halfway into our conversation he half-jokingly popped the question, “So…Mom says you don’t have a boyfriend up there yet? What’s the deal?” In the past, a girl only went to college to find a suitable husband if she hadn’t already found one. Now, we go to college to get an education but hope to find a mate along the way. Things are trickier now though. In the words of Bob Dylan, “for the times, they are a changing”. In the age of drinking, partying, and one night stands… a real relationship is getting harder and harder to find.
The Art of the Chase
Have you ever been in a situation where you liked a guy, held hands or even kissed/made out before but his inability to commit frustrated you to no end and eventually the whole thing went down the tubes? Now you’ve concluded that 99% of guys are jerks and will never commit. Well I’ve encountered very few guys that hope to be terminal bachelors. As humans we are evolutionarily programmed to feel the need for love and companionship, so most men will settle down at some point. The trick is to how to distinguish yourself from a girl to have some short lived fun with… or THE girl that he wants to adore for the rest of his days. I have plenty of suggestions to help out with this situation, but let’s start with the most important!
You have to let him chase YOU. Men want to go out and chase and hunt things, it’s what they do. I’m perfectly aware of how antifeminist and old fashioned this seems but you have to let him pursue you. When I’ve talked to happily married couples, the husband most often admits to having had to chase his wife a little bit to get her to go out with him. This all may seem like one giant no-brainer, but I have watched countless girls in high school and college commit this dating faux pas.
This does a variety of things for you. For those of us who are lazy, it cuts back on the work first off. Secondly, it helps you filter out which guys are worth your time and which ones are not. If a guy simply gives up after one attempt, you know he didn’t think you were worth the time or trouble. Why would any girl think that’s all she deserves? The answer: self-esteem/confidence issues. But we’ll talk about that another time. It also preserves your ever important dignity. Do you ever really want to have to admit to yourself that your guy wouldn’t have gone out with you if you hadn’t beat down his door? “Oh yes kids. I bugged your father half to death. I eventually wore him down enough that he’s start dating me”. No, we deserve better than that. Dating doesn’t apply under the same category as “the harder you try, the more successful you are”. If you’re trying too hard to change a guy’s feelings, you are probably wasting your time.
Let’s Fix This!
Stop texting/calling/Facebooking/Tweeting him all the time. A mistake I see girls make all the time is that they try to constantly be in contact with the guy they like. That tends to take away your mysterious allure and stifle the poor, unsuspecting guy. I love social networking but it makes girls far too accessible.
Let him take initiative.Let him be the one to initiate conversation with you after you first meet. If there’s a cute, shy guy you have your eyes on, feel free to break the ice… but that doesn’t give you any excuse to put yourself on a silver platter in front of him. As a general rule of thumb, let him be the first one to call you until you guys are officially “together” or “Facebook official”… or whatever it takes to mean that he’s committed to you. I’m not saying you’re supposed to be playing mind games with the guy. I’m also not saying that you two are set to get married next year, but you need and deserve to know that you’re not going to see him sticking his tongue down another girl’s throat tomorrow.
Skip the physical stuff. It’s just a bad idea to get really physically involved with a guy you like before you know what you two are or if he even cares for you. If a guy doesn’t like you when you aren’t physical together, he won’t like you anymore when you are. Don’t ever use the physical stuff to try to get a guy to like you. You will save yourself a lot of hurt feelings and messes if you don’t get stuck in the position of not knowing where you stand with this guy.
Long story short, if a guy is worth your time…he will pursue you. The guy will feel accomplished and manly by winning the fair maiden’s heart and you will feel wonderful knowing the guy you like wants to be with yo