Why You Should Think of Valentine’s Day The Way You Used To

POV: You walk into your third-grade classroom on a misty Friday in February. Not only is love in the air, but there’s the fragrance of Elmer’s glue and candy hearts. You clutch your bag of goodies tight in your fist, and walk down the isle of desks stained by sticky fingers and rainbow stickers, and you begin to place your cards on each surface you pass. Glancing at each name tag, you recognize the handwriting of each friend in your class and feel the excitement of what you recognize as love overwhelm you. 

You see, Valentine’s Day – the day we now know as a night topped with expensive five-star dinners, bunches of red roses, and substantial amounts of sex – has changed drastically from when we were young. Valentine’s Day is remolded in your life the second you begin holding clammy hands, saying “I love you” to someone other than family or friends, and begin putting on perfume whenever you are sure you will pass that certain someone in the halls. Some of us, and I am definitely included in this population, forget about our first loves on this very day. And in my opinion, it’s an awful revelation you must have. 

Our first loves are those we often don’t appreciate enough. Mom and dad are a good example. I won’t even begin to describe how much parents truly do for us every day, but I’ll start with Valentine’s Day as a kid. At least for me, my parents would trudge to the drugstore and pull out all the stops. A mom knows two things: everything ever, and your favorite candy. I would wake up, drool on the corners of my mouth and walk on the plastic tiles to my kitchen to find a display of chocolates as pretty as a picture. It was always ready for me before I would wake up, right on time to start the day. One year I even woke up to a set of frilly pink training bras. Although I’ll admit I was horrified, I look back on it now and see how adorable it was for my mom to do that for her girl.

My very best friend, quite literally from birth, is also someone I love very much. Frankie is that friend of mine that the words “I need to talk to you right now because you’re the only person who can make me happy today,” are exchanged quite often. She’s that friend on Christmas where you ALWAYS get a handwritten note and someone who understands you and your family more than anyone. So, where the heck is her card on Valentines Day? 

Every year on February 14th, we have aged and come to this day of love further encouraged by the diamond ring ads on TV, or VSCO posts of flowers laying on love letters, to focus on our significant others. When I was a little girl I would watch romantic comedies. From them I understood that true love is an expensive steak dinner, a cocktail dress, and a bottle of wine to share with a man. I am a hopeless romantic, and I am very lucky to have the partner I do and love that I get the chance to spoil him on this day. But, 2020 especially has made me realize that everyone who you truly care about in your life needs that reminder that you love them dearly, even if you haven’t been conditioned to do so. 

For the last seven years of my life , I have focused on my romantic relationships on Valentine’s Day. Maybe it’s because I learned that its normal to only think of my boyfriend on this day, or maybe it is because I grew more and more selfish as I got older thinking it was maturity. I honestly couldn’t tell you. All I know is that I was wrong to think so narrowly. 

This year I don’t want to leave anyone out. Of course, my boyfriend is going to be treated very special. He will get his gifts and we will go to the fancy dinner reservation we made. But first, I want to really think about who else I love, not just him this time. I think that a little part of me is still holding on to the way Valentine’s Day used to be. I want to channel the energy from the old days of passing out cards at school and make some homemade valentines for my friends and family.  I guess what I’m saying is that although we may believe it sometimes, February 14th is not “I love my boyfriend day.” It is, in some ways, but we have to remember that we may be missing the true meaning of the holiday.

• family
• friends
• love
• valentines day