Studying abroad. Something most people dream about doing during their time in college. For me, it had been something I started looking forward to when I was in high school. When I finally got to college, I attended more than enough meetings about the different study abroad programs and read a ton about it online. When I was a freshman, I remember calling my dad to tell him I wanted to start being realistic about going abroad and that I was going to start saving my money. My family and I didn’t exactly have the funds at the time for me to study in a foreign country for four months which is why I started looking into scholarships, taking out more loans, etc.
I dreamt about going abroad for so long but when it was finally time to commit, I couldn’t do it. I applied to the school I wanted to study at, went to all the mandatory meetings and filled out all the appropriate paperwork, but when it came time to put down my deposit, I freaked out. For three weeks all I thought about was if I should study abroad or not. I wanted to go so bad but there were so many reasons stopping me. Whenever I would make a list of pros and cons, I could only focus on the cons. The biggest reason I didn’t go is because of the money. I tried to make it work but I just didn’t feel comfortable with spending that much money while I was in college, knowing I was already in so much debt. I decided to withdraw from housing last semester so that I could save more money to go abroad this semester but it still wasn’t enough. Sure, there are other options like taking out more loans and applying for scholarships, but I wasn’t comfortable with putting down a deposit (that you can’t get back) if something were to happen. Even if I could afford to go abroad, I was scared. I know – everyone gets scared, that’s no reason to not go. But I had never left the country before, or really even home. I wasn’t ready to hop on a plane and leave everything behind for four months. Sure, it probably would’ve been worth it if I took a chance, but I just couldn’t do it. I struggle with anxiety almost every day and because of that I just didn’t feel confident enough to be away from home for so long. If I knew for sure that my family could come visit me while I was away, maybe I would’ve felt better. Unfortunately, it was a stretch for me to even go, I didn’t want to have to ask my family to spend that much money.
Four out of five of my roommates are abroad this semester. Seeing their photos makes me wonder how different my life would be if I never withdrew from the school I was planning to study at. Although I am beyond jealous and I miss them so much, I’m not sure if I regret my decision to stay behind. Not studying abroad was the hardest decision I have ever made but I think maybe it was a good one. On some days, I have trouble reminding myself that but I think it was a very adult decision that I had to make on my own. I know that I’ll get the chance to travel one day but for now, I’d rather focus on finishing school and paying off my loans. I felt a lot of pressure to go because that’s what all my friends were doing but now I realize that it’s okay to not study abroad. I know that anyone that has been/is abroad will tell me that I made a mistake, but for all the people who are unsure about going: don’t worry about it. Everything happens for a reason and your time to travel the world will come one day.