“Why report it now, 30+ years later”, “She is just using this trial for attention”, “What if she’s just another Monica Lewinsky”, “You don’t know her, why fight for her”, “It seems unlikely a man of such political power would do such a thing”, “We can’t pick her side just because she says he did it, she could be lying” “We can never know what truly happened all those years ago” “Why now”. These quotes have been said to me about this trial less than a day after Dr. Ford’s hearing began. The amount of controversy I have heard over this issue not only highlights it’s importance but exemplifies the exact problem we have in this nation. Why all women across not only America but the world refuse to be quiet about this. This is why I refuse to be quiet about the Kavanaugh trial.
Why do I refuse to? Because every woman who comes forward is a woman who I will support. Why? I know these women. I have had numerous conversations with these women about this very topic in order to feel like I wasn’t alone. I am friends, neighbors, acquaintances, coworkers, and classmates with these women. I almost, in multiple situations, became one of those women and if it wasn’t for my intimate circle of women and their support of me I would have a different identity today. And most importantly, I was raised by one of these women.
One of these women helped me flourish into the person I am today with her wisdom, heart, soul and entire being of herself. She reported her attacker to the authorities and he was never persecuted. When the authorities dismissed her voice and her story they chose a side, they chose to value his opinion over hers without any legitimate reason as to why. So why do I refuse to stay quiet about this case? Because the woman who I would give my life up for and who gave everything to raise me in order to help cultivate who I am today’s words were not taken as truth. She would have had to “prove” her trauma was real when to truly see the magnitude of the damage this event caused, it would have to go beyond what any authorities can see. If you went through an incident like this, you can never explain what it feels like unless you experience it. And no one, no one deserves to ever experience it. Yet this was her fate. The women who raised me’s story was oppressed because she was a woman and we still live in a man’s world. Why won’t I stay quiet, because until the day where we don’t have to have this dialogue of “proving” what women say to believe that their stories are true our work is not done. She is someone. That should be enough.
Why do I refuse to stay quiet? Because there is no time limit as to when, why, where and how someone reports their abuser. Abuse is abuse, and there is no forgetting a situation like that. There is no amount of time, therapy, or support that can erase those memories away and thus makes them unimportant or less valuable. Women do not report these events for years because they are fearful that their voice won’t be heard and that is even more painful than not speaking up at all. Why delay reporting your abuser? For fear of scrutiny and lack of trust that the pain that they went through, and are potentially still going through, is not acknowledged or treated as valid. Confronting and standing up for this issue specifically is hard for a lot of women to come forward about because we are not told to be assertive in our society due to the fact that we have been convinced countless times throughout our lives that we are the problem. Never men. “Maybe he wouldn’t have touched you if you hadn’t worn that top… or gotten so drunk”, “Maybe if you were nicer to him he wouldn’t be so mean to you”, “Maybe try speaking a different way so he will understand where you’re coming from and not be so harsh”. See a pattern in these statements? Women have not been allowed for a very long time to have their voices be equally as justified as men’s. Would we ever tell a man, “Well maybe if you didn’t get so drunk or didn’t wear those jeans she wouldn’t have came on to you”? No, because men are not treated as objects or points of scrutiny in our society. They matter more so, therefore, they are always believed. That’s why Kavanaugh has gotten into the position he has and there is still a debate about it. People believe a man saying he didn’t do it over a woman who went through incredible trauma for years and now can no longer stay silent.
Let’s put it this way, why are we fighting for a man, who could possibly be an absolute abusive and controlling monster, to have an incredibly influential position in our country’s judicial system. When instead we could find someone just if not more, qualified for the job who does not have allegations of physically and emotionally destroying someone’s life. It has nothing to do with what party you are affiliated with, how old you are, or if you are or know a victim. It boils down to if you allow another human’s life experiences to matter and believe their stories to be true. Why I won’t stay silent, is to show young men out there that if they ever do so choose to physically, emotionally or sexually abuse someone when they are young, they will not be allowed to get away with it and move on with their lives as if they have done nothing wrong. So that Brock Turner’s do not get the privilege of becoming Brett Kavanaugh’s who are not being held accountable for their actions. Why I won’t stay silent is because I want a future without this and I won’t sit on the sidelines and wait for others to stand up for me.