With the recent craziness that has taken over our world, I have found myself with a lot of time to reflect on what the past year of my life has been and how it changed me as a person. My life now compared to what it was like in Spring 2019 feels like a complete 180 turn, and I could not be more grateful for the highs and lows that I have been through that have brought me to the now. Especially with how scary and unpredictable the world is right now, I am still happy with myself and the relationships that I have built and maintained.
In Spring 2020, I was a second semester freshman who felt like their world was falling apart. I was six hours away from home, which was the only place I felt like I wanted to be. I was going through a severe depressive episode, and felt alone. I didn’t really care about my classes or the couple of friends that I had on campus, I was just trying to keep my head down and finish the semester. I was heavily contemplating transferring because of how unhappy I was. I thought that it was the school that I didn’t like, and that leaving would fix everything.
I was so wrong, and now I am happier than ever at UNH. I have a great community of friends, staff and faculty that make this school feel like home. In my journey to find that happiness, I found that the only way my situation would get better was if I found that happiness within myself. I was so dependent on others and their opinions that I lost touch with what actually allowed me to thrive and be myself. Through this journey I lost friends, gained friends, had incredible highs and terrible lows, but I primarily focused on myself.
It didn’t happen overnight either. This evolution is still continuing every day and will for the rest of my life. There will always be ways I can better myself and find what makes me better. It took months and months, revelations and setbacks, and support from the people who did care about me. I had to learn how to not be so hard on myself and be as willing to work through my problems as I was for other people.
If you had asked me a year ago where I would be now, that answer would be no where near what the reality actually is. What I’ve learned through all of this is that every day is a new chance for change, and nothing is permanent. I am so proud of myself and grateful for the loved ones who supported me, but I will continue to look forward and get ready for whatever life decides to throw me.