If you have trouble letting go of your exes like I do, then I am here to tell you what NOT to do when you still talk to your ex and are having trouble letting them go.
Here’s some backstory:
I went to high school at a private boarding school in upstate New York. It was primarily a hockey school, so we get a lot of international students. I met this guy from Finland on the first day of my senior year. He was incredibly cute, which is very unfortunate given that I am the most awkward person when it comes to talking to guys I like. Turns out, he was in my math class, so I had a reason to talk to him. It made it easier that he was pretty good at math, while I, on the other hand, am absolutely terrible. Anyways, as the year went by we were talking and hanging out more and more. We went to prom together and were practically dating but didn’t want to make anything official because we were both graduating soon. After we graduated in May, we facetimed every night for about 2 months. Then towards the end of July, we stopped talking as much until we didn’t talk at all. It sucked at the beginning but I eventually got over it until he called me a few weeks into school this year.
And cue the bad decisions that follow being hit up by someone you are not completely over. I completely fell for him all over again without a second thought. Probably not the smartest choice thinking back on it, but what can you do when he basically poured salt into an open wound.
The next time an ex hits you up after a while of not speaking, here are a few things you should not do that unfortunately I let happen, thus making me still have feelings for this guy. Even if I can’t follow these myself, hopefully these few pointers may help some of you from being weak like I was:
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DON’T start talking everyday and facetiming every so often after they reach out. You’ll find yourself in the habit of waiting for their responses and getting excited when you see their name on your phone.
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If the relationship is long distance, like mine is, you REALLY have to think about whether or not it’s worth it at all.
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You also have to keep an eye out for the level of effort coming from both sides. If you are putting in more effort than he is, that’s an automatic red flag! Keep in mind that guys are guys and they are oblivious, so don’t be overly critical, but you shouldn’t let yourself stay up all night over thinking something he said.
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If you are starting to have feelings for your ex again DO NOT KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF! I kept my feelings hidden from my bestfriend for 4 months and when I finally talked about it with her, she yelled at me for not telling her sooner, but it felt so good to get it off my chest.
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Don’t fall into their trap of flirting! Trust me, I understand that attention and compliments are the best, but they are a recipe for disaster when coming from a past flame.
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Don’t be a baby like I was when I met a guy here that I started to like. Rebounds are (sometimes) necessary! And if you feel like it will help, don’t feel like you are “cheating” on your ex because it may just be exactly what you need to kick them to the curb.
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If you do decide to state your feelings to your ex and don’t get the response you want, DON’T continue to put effort into it because chances are they really don’t feel the same.
Dealing with breakups and drifting away from people you have liked (or maybe even loved) is not always easy; I should know, considering I am still talking to the beautiful Finnish boy mentioned earlier. However, if you find yourself in a position similar to mine and are looking to get out of it and don’t know how, following these tips may just help you find your own independence again.