Teach Me How to…Tinder?

So, I’m sure most of you have heard of the newest fad called Tinder, an “online dating” app that is sweeping college campuses around the nation. Just incase you haven’t, here’s a quick overview: First, you log in with Facebook and set up a profile picture of your choice (and please, for the love of God don’t put a group picture. Nobody has time to go through and find out which one you are!) Then, the app connects you to people in your area that you can either choose to like or dislike based on pure physical attraction. If you like a person and that person also liked you, then it’s a match and a magical conversation can arise. However, if you like a person and that person does not like you back, then fret not! The app is completely anonymous until a match is made (which definitely saves both parties from a lot of embarrassment).

Okay, so, now that you have a brief overview of how it works, it is vital that I forewarn you about some of the guys you most likely will come across. And, for the record, these photos were not found online, but rather real life, screenshotted conversations of yours truly. Enjoy. 

 

1) Tinder Bachelor #1: The double texter.

So, #1, you asked me how I was on January 11th and I did not respond. What exactly made you think that 19 days later I would suddenly have a change of heart and drive to Boston to get a drink with you? That escalated quickly. Sorry, but the answer is still no. A for effort. 

 

2) Tinder Bachelor #2 and #3: The pick-up liner.

#2, I’m guessing you asked me how many push-ups I can do to try and get me to think, “Wow, what an intriguing thing to ask. This guy is so different. Maybe I will answer.” Nope, next. (Girls read Barstool too boys! We’re on to you!)

#3, you also started off with a pick up line and I guess I must have been feeling ambitious that day because I chose to finish it for you instead of not answering. You didn’t like that very much apparently, so you just came right out with it. Although that does not designate a response from me, at least you were honest. P.s.- for the record, you were by far my funniest tinder buddy yet, and I thank you. 

 

Tinder Bachelor #4: The play it safer.

Hey, #4. I’m fantastic, how are you? Should we also pretend that we are in middle school on AIM real quick? “Sup? Nm u? Nm.” End of convo. 

 

Tinder Bachelor #5: The no call no show.

Dear #5, you went through all the effort to like me on tinder and then I never hear from you? Ugh. You’re such an ass hole. Never call me again.

 

Last but not least, Tinder Bachelor #6: The one who’s walks the line of cocky and confident.

#6, I think you’re jumping the gun here. I mean, honestly, we haven’t even made it to first base. I think you’re cute and everything, don’t get me wrong, but ya gotta take it easy, fella. Everyone knows good things come to those who wait.

 

So, many people ask what the point of the app is if nobody ever actually meets up. Is it a confidence boost? Something to do when you’re bored, maybe? We may never know, but after you share a mutual interest with these people, and situations like this arise, you better be prepared to see them around campus when you least expect it. Most of the time it will be on a week day while you’re walking by each other to go to class and you look like complete ass. You will think, “Oh, sh*t. I liked that guy on Tinder. I hope to God he doesn’t see me,” only to later find out he’s actually IN one of your classes. Don’t make any sudden movements. This is awkward and everybody knows it. Exit as soon as possible. If you’re lucky, you may come across these guys at a party or the bar when the alcohol has flushed out any awkwardness in your system. However, make no mistake, you must NEVER approach this stranger and say, “Hey, didn’t I like you in Tinder?” Please just no. That’s weird. Definitely don’t do that for the sake of all mankind.  Lastly, try not to take it so seriously. What if that super cute hockey player comes up on your app and you like him thinking you may finally have some sort of a reason to talk with him and he never likes you back? My advice is to just laugh it off and forget about it. You can’t win ‘em all. Isn’t love just so tinder?