Ah yes, Tinder. We are in college folks, we all have one, no shame there. We are all looking for different things whether that be a relationship, friends, lovers, someone to talk to, a one-time date to a dance, or the occasional random 1 a.m. hookup that you hope to never see again afterwards. We all have our own wants and needs but ladies, doesn’t it seem like the guys here at UNH are lacking a certain… allure or captivity? I don’t know if they think they are smooth enough to just message us “hey” and instantly receive results, or if they blatantly don’t think about how we might perceive a certain pick-up line or gif, but seriously boys, why are you even on the app?? Just to show you how rough it is here at UNH, I’m going to show you some certain profiles and messages I’ve have come across within the past couple of months, don’t worry boys, I’m not going to call you out by name though.
Messages:
“You’re hot. Want to hookup?”
“Buy me food”
“I want to curl up in that beautiful blonde mane of yours” & then when I did not respond, he proceeded to say “I’ve always been really good at riding things ever since I was a little boy”
“I hope the stuffing you eat over Thanksgiving break is as good as the one I’d give you”
“Are you the SAT? Because I’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes with a break in between for snacks.”
“Roses are red. Violets are fine. I’ll be the 6, if you’ll be my 9.”
“If your left leg Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, can I come visit you between the holidays” he then continues to say “Do you want your muffin buttered?”
“Hey did you know that you could make a decent living selling hotdogs?… because you sure know how to make a wiener stand.”
“Hey bb wat that mouf do?”
Bios:
“Just a normal college guy, all I care about is sex and partying.”
“My girlfriend and I are looking for a dominatrix (for her of course).”
“Some may say I’m being a f*** boy but I don’t give a f*** I know what I like and I truly do enjoy it.”
“Drink Triple. See double. Stay Single.”
“I could be the sugar your looking for in your daddy”
“Definitely a bad influence (;”
“The real dad. I’ll cook and buy the booze.. the rest is on you.”
I’m sure not every guy on Tinder here has the same intentions, but come on UNH, we need some better options!