Girls talk about break ups all the time. One boy cheated on you. Maybe the spark simply faded with another. Boys are not the most reliable people to lean on at this point in our lives, but our best friends are. Break ups hurt, but our best friends always help us heal with smiles, love and maybe a little ice cream. But, what happens when the break up is with your best gal pal? Best friends can break your heart more than most guys ever can.
My ex best friend and I did everything together. When we were younger, we pitched tents in one of our backyards and talk about our secret crushes in hushed whispers, hoping our parents wouldn’t hear. In middle school, we helped each other pick out what I now see as horrendous rainbow head bands with peace signs and shirts saying “yolo swag” because we thought it would make us cool. In high school, we cried to each other about mean girls starting rumors and boys who were impossible to understand. Then, something changed.
It all started when she got into a serious relationship. Her boyfriend would sit at our lunch table, and she would turn her back on me, only talking to him. We started to hang out less and less on the weekends because her boyfriend took up all her time. I used to know every detail about her love life and then suddenly, I knew nothing. She would only talk to me when something was going wrong in the relationship. As soon as the issue was fixed, I was back to being an outsider in her life. I thought maybe she would hang out with me if I hung out with both her and her boyfriend. I tried going geocaching with the two one day. When we got to her boyfriend’s house, he kicked me out of the front seat of the car and proceeded to ask her “why she brought the kids,” referring to me. I had never felt so humiliated and uncomfortable in my life. She also began to make new friends. I’d see Snapchat stories of her and her new friends going to the mall or the beach and I would not have been invited. Eventually, she was posting pictures for their birthdays but not mine. It hurt that she could make time for these new people and not for me. She even started to talk to people about me behind my back, saying I essentially bullied her, and it was my own fault that we were not friends anymore. Despite everything, I texted her about three days before going to college to tell her I was leaving. I wanted to see if maybe she wanted to get together before we both went off on our new journeys. When I never I received a text back, I knew the friendship was over.
My ex best friend broke my heart. However, she taught me a lot. She taught me that friends will make time for you if you need them no matter what is going on in their own lives. She taught me that friends are the people that lift you up, not down. She taught me that friends are like a second family that loves you just as much as your biological family. Most importantly, she taught me about myself. I learned that sometimes you can do everything for someone and it’s still not enough, so you need to make sure you also take care of yourself. I learned that I deserve to be surrounded by people that make me laugh until my stomach hurts. I learned that I am more than a convenient choice to someone. Although I would never take her back as a friend, I have forgiven her because I know it’s the right thing to do. Living during a time when problems from sexism to sexual harassment directed at women is still very prevalent, we need to make sure we are playing for the same team. Girls need to watch out for other girls because we’re all we’ve got.