We’ve all been there before; you get in a fight with a friend, you gradually grow apart, or things just start to not feel right between you and a friend anymore. Whatever the circumstances, it’s hard to lose someone who had been a part of your life for years and years.
Within the past couple years, I’ve had to say goodbye due to a handful of people for different reasons. There are three friends that I have lost over the years that were harder to deal with than others, mainly due to how the whole situation went down. If you are going through similar situations to the ones I have gone through in the past, I’m going to give a few tips on how to make going through the loss of a best friend a little bit easier.
Situation 1: The Cat Fight
You just got in a huge fight with your best friend. They yelled at you for not inviting her to a party, you yell at her for talking to the person you like, or you both just got on each other’s nerves one day and it led to a full-fledged war. Whatever the cause for the fight, its something big enough to cause you to not talk to each other anymore.
When I went through something like this, the first thing I did to try and make things easier was to give them some space. Take a couple days, weeks, months, or even years to let both of you cool off and become more level headed. Continuing the fighting and gossip will NOT make it easier to deal with losing that friend. If anything, it will prolong the tension and you’ll have to deal with things being said about you behind your back constantly. The best thing to do, based on my experience, is to just let it be. What’s said is said, it’s not worth putting effort into negativity by continuing to say nasty things about them and stooping to their level.
If enough time passes, you may even become civil, leading to a causal “hi!” on the street or a nice “happy birthday!” text when those kind of events circle around (which is always nice)!
Situation 2: Growing Apart
Growing apart from a friend is one of the saddest things to happen. With high school friends, you go away to college and you guys just don’t talk as much as you used to; talking everyday turns to talking every week, and then every month, and then just not at all. And with college friends, sometimes schedules don’t match up and its hard to find time to hangout or talk, so you just stop all together.
In this case, if you’re in college it’s usually pretty easy to busy yourself with things around campus to try and take your mind off of things. You can join an organization (like Her Campus!!), meet new people with your interests, and make plans with people who have similar schedules to you. Branching out of your comfort zone to meet new people is always a rewarding and fun experience because you might not even realize that there are other people that like that weird quirk you thought only you enjoyed. Ask someone to go grab a coffee or lunch with you, and then maybe ask them to hangout one weekend and do homework. Starting with little things can turn into creating the best of friendships! By the time you’ve found your people (que Grey’s Anatomy reference), you’ll realize that maybe you were never meant to stay friends with that person you grew apart from in the first place because there were people in the world that were more right for you.
Situation 3: The Toxic Best Friend
There is absolutely nothing worse than having to cut off a toxic best friend. You guys had been best friends for years and had done everything together, but during that time, they started constantly competing with you, putting you down, and only being your friend when it was convenient for them. They were screwing with your self-esteem and you didn’t even realize it until your someone pointed it out to you for the first time. So, you cut them off. If they are truly a toxic friend, they won’t even try to put effort into saving the friendship. Getting over this type of friend is the hardest type to get over in my opinion.
When I cut off a toxic friend, I surrounded myself with people who only built up my confidence. Go find your hype girl!!!! Immersing yourself in positivity is such a powerful thing and it will make you realize that you are 100 times better off without them. I know it sounds hard to not answer the first text from them in three months, but I promise you, deleting the message will be so much better for your mental health and your future. Not answering their random outreaches is the first step in moving on and feeling better. No one needs toxicity in their life, so if you can realize that and find people who actually want to spend time with you and have the same interests as you, DO IT. You will feel so much better about the situation and about yourself.
Key takeaway: Branch out! Anytime you lose a friend, no matter the circumstance, branching out and meeting new people can lead to you finding your new bestie. Don’t be afraid to say hi to people and introduce yourself 😊