“Let me know when you leave your room.” “Who are you with?” “What are you doing now?” “Why aren’t you picking up?” “Pick up or else.” “You better not wear those leggings.” “Wake up!”
Imagine being stuck in a cage, and you finally get out of the cage, only to be pushed back in. I was stuck in that endless cycle. I was under the command of someone else’s demands. I was no longer the independent, bubbling, outgoing person everybody knew me as. I was at the beck and call of someone else. I had become a closed off, quiet, homesick girl who put a fake smile on for her friends and family so they wouldn’t worry. I didn’t have friends anymore. I was known as the girl who would leave dinner early because her boyfriend told her to.
“I love you.” “I’m sorry.” “Please call me.” “You’re right.”
The words you hear from someone who loves you. The words that should make you smile and feel a sense of warmth and worth. These words should make you feel loved and safe. Instead, these words made me feel manipulated and used.
“You need me.” “Lol you would be nothing without me.” “You are lucky to have me.”
Bully. The words you hear in a movie coming from the character that everybody hates. Words that would form a fire under your butt and make you fight back. But I didn’t fight back. I had become a form of myself that I didn’t know. I shied away from opportunities and hid my self-confidence, or lack thereof, behind baggy sweat shirts. Over time I began to think I wasn’t worth much and that I wasn’t beautiful. That the situation I was in was the best I was going to get. I was wrong.
“We love you.” “You are an incredible young lady who deserves the world.” “You are my best friend.”
These are the words that I now hear. These are the words of the people that I choose to surround myself with every day. People who see in me what I wasn’t able to see in myself then. Friends that have my back no matter what and family members who will answer a phone call in the middle of the night just to make sure I am alright.
“I am worthy.” “I am strong, beautiful, independent and loved.” “I love me.”
Finally breaking out of that cage had never felt so good. I felt like I could breathe right for the first time in a long time, like a weight was suddenly lifted off of my shoulders. The world was now my oyster. I have sprouted into the person that I always knew I could be. I could be myself again and feel good about what I was doing. I am beautiful and I am worthy. I will never be stuck in that cage ever again. I am finally free from that toxic relationship.