Dear Gram

Dear Gram,

To say I simply miss you would be an understatement. It’s been 10 years since you’ve been gone, and I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t still hurt. When I was younger, I remember the many hospital visits we made to come see you, but I find relief in the fact that you are no longer hurting. Not having you here is a consistent struggle, for all of us. As the years have passed, you have never failed to continuously impact my life.

It seems like I miss you more and more as time goes on. Sometimes I sit in my dorm room and fantasize about being able to call you and tell you about what I’ve been up to. When I fight with mom, I imagine your voice in my head telling me to be nicer because one day she won’t be here. I was so young when we lost you that I never fully appreciated the relationship we shared.  The countless Yahtzee and Monopoly games are something I will forever cherish. Some of my favorite childhood memories were just sitting on the couch watching cartoons with you. You truly were my childhood hero.

Your absence is something I have grown to accept. Even though you are not physically here, I know you’re always with me. You watched me be inducted into the National Honor Society and shined down on graduation day. You were there with me when I moved into college and gave me strength when I cried after failing my first big exam. When I’m struggling, whether it be with friends or academics, I find myself thinking of you. You were a get-it-done and take-no-shit kind of women; something I aspire to be. You raised seven children on your own, with nothing to your name. That is something I always admired about you- the kind of person that grabbed adversity by the balls, persevering with implausible strength. No matter what life throws at me, I’m secure knowing that I have such a strong, kind spirit in my corner.

I hope one day I can become someone you are proud of. I’ll always wish you were here to see everything in action, but I am reminded that you have the best seat in the house. Thank you for continuing to be my cheerleader from the sky. I will forever hold you in my heart.

Love,

Your Biggest Fan