Confrontation. A word that gives me major anxiety. I’ve always had trouble confronting people mainly because I don’t want to make people mad or cause unnecessary conflict. This past semester, my confrontation skills were put to the test … and I failed miserably.
At the beginning of October, my roommate started dating this guy who didn’t go to school here. Everything was fine in the beginning of their relationship; he would come and sleep over a couple nights a week, but kept to himself, which didn’t bother me at all. But as it progressed, the amount of time he was spending at the apartment and his comfort level within the apartment, specifically in our room, drastically increased. Soon enough, he was staying over five or six nights a week. This became increasingly problematic for me, as I slowly started to lose my room. I felt as if I was the one intruding in their space. I should have done something to fix it, but instead I kept my grievances to myself and let it escalate, until I finally decided to do something about it.
So, if you’re like me and hate confrontation, here are 5 lessons I’ve learned that probably would have solved a lot of problems for me, and may help you in confronting people when you’re scared to:
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Don’t wait to confront someone!!! Talk to them as soon as you start noticing the problems – as an apartment, it took us almost a month to address the problem, which, even though it was better late than never, it was still late!
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Talk to your other friends, especially if its people you live with because more often than not, they’ll be on the same page as you – all of my friends are on the same page as me, and knowing they are there to back me up has given me much more confidence to confront my roommate.
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Don’t be afraid of the possibility that the other person will be mad at you!! If they don’t recognize what they’re doing wrong, are they really your friend?? – This question is worth debating… But don’t make a final decision on it without talking it through with the other person!
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If they avoid confrontation then that’s their problem to deal with, especially if you’ve been trying to talk to them – I’ve made numerous efforts to reach out and ask to talk and have gotten a “yeah sure that’s fine”, but am yet to have a conversation. Kindly asking the person to talk is a start to at least open up the opportunity to have a conversation, whether or not they follow through is up to them.
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Nothing will get better if nothing is said… trust me, from experience, it’s true. Things get more awkward and tense… it’s just not enjoyable.
I hope that with these tips confrontation doesn’t seem as scary, because it is something you will have to encounter many times in your life. Everyone has the right to their own opinions, so don’t be afraid to let yours be known.