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Wellness > Sex + Relationships

A Letter to the Girl Looking for Closure in All the Wrong Places

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UNCW chapter.

It’s a terrible feeling, isn’t it?

To have millions of questions running through your mind at all times. To see that your heartfelt texts have been left on read, once again. The radio silence is frustrating, but the need to continue reaching out feels like the right thing to do. You think to yourself, I just want to know, to find closure, and then I will be okay. Your friends just shake their heads. They know better. They always do. But for some reason, their messages never get through to you.

As much as you want to believe the things you tell yourself, you know “knowing” won’t heal you. Your counselor has said this, too, as “true closure only happens in the movies.” Unfortunately, your counselor is right. 

It is difficult to realize that even if, by some miracle, the person who broke you said all the right things in a moment of “closure,” their words wouldn’t magically kickstart your healing process. They might actually be a major setback. It is a hard pill to swallow, but understanding this fact is necessary to properly move on. 

You must also recognize that when you try to find closure in others, especially in those who hurt you, you are doomed to fail. It is a viciously toxic cycle of false hope and unmet expectations that will ensure you remain irreparably broken, on an emotionally exhausting search for answers that simply don’t exist. 

You must find the courage to look within yourself and take back control. You are in charge of your healing, your progress, your slow and steady journey towards a brighter tomorrow. While the very common and very comfortable “victim” mentality may make it seem like it’s the other person’s responsibility to “heal” you, it’s not. It’s yours. 

Think about it for a moment: when you started reading this, a specific person came to mind. More likely than not, this person had some ownership of your heart, the most vulnerable part of you, and didn’t know how to take care of it (for one reason or another). Not only that, but they left you in this maddening place of uncertainty and apprehension, despite your multiple attempts to find clarity. Why would you rely on them to put your pieces back together again, when they’re the reason they’re so jumbled up in the first place? That’s right. You wouldn’t, because you deserve better than that.

I know this is scary. I know it sounds hard. I know you are hurting. And I know, most of all, you feel like you can’t move on without getting the answers you think you deserve.

But here’s the thing: you can. You must. The power to do so has been within you this whole time. 

For all the fear, frustration and sadness you’ve experienced in your search for answers and for all of the healing still yet to come, I promise that one day this will all make sense. This pain is temporary. Listen to your friends, your family, and your counselors in the meantime. Find happiness in the little things. Keep moving forward.

And, for the love of God, do not send that text

(Photo courtesy of @morganharpernichols on Instagram.)

Lindsay is a senior at UNCW studying Criminology and Sociology. When she's not contemplating the deeply rooted inequalities of the criminal justice system, she is either working out at the Rec Center or sitting in Starbucks with a coffee or tea in hand.