Wilmington is hands down the best college town in North Carolina. We have a small downtown area filled with restaurants, clubs, and bars, and for those of us who aren’t lucky enough to live in Wrightsville Beach, it’s only a 10-minute drive away. But that 10-minute drive to the beach was a problem for me for about half of the summer after my car was totaled in a car accident. As small as Wilmington is, it’s nearly impossible to get around without a car and taking public transportation was not even an option for me.
While some friends were able to give me rides to work and to run errands, they weren’t always available. The Uber app on my phone became my best friend instantly and I found myself relying on it much more than on my actual friends. As convenient and easy as Uber is, it can be quite awkward to enter a car with a complete stranger by yourself. After more than 30 Uber rides within a month and a half, I gathered a list of the typical and not-so-typical Uber drivers you will encounter in Wilmington.
Disclaimer: Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
1. The Shoving-Jesus-Down-Your-Throat Driver
Most of the times that I requested an Uber this summer, they were to get to and from work, which didn’t necessarily put me in the best mood. Blasting some Jesus-loving gospel music didn’t help much either. I encountered a few drivers that were trying to spread the good word of the Lord to a young woman who could not have been less interested. Some of these drivers were also slightly judgmental and made me feel like I needed to say 10 Hail Mary’s after they dropped me off. One of them, Sister Susan, basically told me I had sinned because I didn’t participate in a blood drive. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against anyone’s religion, but please don’t try to shove yours down my throat when I am paying you to give me a ride.
2. The Nervous Female Driver
This summer I noticed that there is a significantly larger amount of male Uber drivers than there are women. The handful that I encounter kept begging me for reassurance and tips as if I were an Uber driver myself. “Am I your first female driver?” “Do you think it’s safe for me to drive at night?” Here’s a tip for any lady Uber drivers reading this: Be confident and do your job. If you express how nervous and apprehensive you are about being a driver, that makes me nervous and apprehensive to have you as my driver.
3. The Chain Smoking Driver
There is nothing worst than entering a car that smells like the inside of a cigarette box after showering and getting ready for work. If you want to smoke, that’s cool. If you want to smoke in your car, that’s cool, too. What’s not cool is signing up to drive people around in a car that is covered in ashes. Cars that are regularly smoked inside of are not allowed to be Uber cars because it is not everyone’s cup of tea. Especially not mine.
4. The Presidential Driver
If you noticed a black stretched Lincoln with two American flags hanging from the back windows roaming around Wilmington then you’ve seen Chauffer Curtis. This driver made me feel like FLOTUS as he so graciously drove me to work one lovely afternoon. As fancy and important as I felt while sitting in the back seat, the fact that he was in his 60s and was only wearing a white tee and his boxers made me a tad uneasy. Besides his outfit choice, Chauffer Curtis was lovely and we had a great conversation about the Ashley Madison hack.
5. The Desperate-for-Good-Ratings Driver
Thankfully, I only experienced one of these drivers during my time with Uber. Desperate Dan mentioned his ratings more than 15 times during a 12-minute car ride. The only driver before Desperate Dan that I had given a bad rating to was the Chain Smoker and only because I was convinced I had developed lung cancer during my ride. Desperate Dan may have actually deserved a bad rating because he missed a few turns which resulted in a higher fare, but that wasn’t enough for me to give him less than 4 stars. What pushed me over the edge was the constant mentioning of him wanting a good rating. “Is the temperature okay for you? Wouldn’t want you to give me a bad rating.” “Is my driving okay? I don’t want a bad rating.” Desperate Dan even handed me a lollipop as I got out of his car and finished off by saying, “Have a good day and give me a good rating, please.” Insert side-eyed emoji.
Uber was a real life saver for over a month, but I am so relieved that I no longer have to rely on it for rides to work. Besides the crazies, there are some great drivers out there who can actually engage in conversation and make you feel comfortable. I never thought I would say this but I might miss the crazy Uber drivers and the stories they have provided me with.