You Don’t Need Closure, Here’s Why

Most of the time when people talk about closure, they’re referring to an apology or an explanation that provides peace of mind after a tough breakup or a fallout with a friend. The desire to have closure for any given situation is basic human nature. We like to have explanations for the things that confuse us. Often times, when we don’t get that closure, it can make it very difficult to move forward because we constantly have thoughts that run through our brains about why something didn’t work out. We theorize in our heads a million different reasons as to why people aren’t responding to us in the way that we desire, which leads to a rabbit hole of unanswered questions and hurt feelings.

The truth is, closure doesn’t change anything that’s already happened. It doesn’t turn back time and it definitely doesn’t erase the hurtful things that were said or done in a relationship. It doesn’t act as a second chance or an opportunity for reconciliation either. Closure is simply a concept that we can’t see or feel, but yet we base our entire recovery on it. However, all it does is keep our emotions tied up in a past that’s no longer relevant.

What you are actually searching for is an internal, emotional shift. But you can’t expect the outside world to take care of your feelings--sometimes you have to take ownership over them yourself. The annoying thing about closure is that no matter how many answers you get, you’ll desperately keep searching until you find the one that you want to hear. This whole process is more hurtful than it is beneficial, so the only way to find REAL closure is to move on. You have to accept the fact that sometimes, things just happen. People change their minds all the time and won’t give you a solid explanation as to why they feel differently. You don’t need an apology from someone that did you wrong and you don’t need permission from anyone to move on with your life.

Instead, practice self-validation. Know that you are loved and cared for regardless of whether or not a certain person is in your life. You cannot let your self-esteem become a reflection of how someone else feels about you.

In addition, do something that serves you in your healing - choose to do things that are healthy for you like volunteering, eating well, working out, getting proper sleep and spending time with good friends. Focus on what you could give back to the world in the areas that you are passionate about. When you are serving your purpose, not getting closure won’t seem to bother you as much.

It is so important to learn how to simply appreciate the past for what it was and take everything you’ve learned from each experience to grow. Trust me, you have far better achievements, people and experiences waiting for you. Obsessing over what you could have done differently is only holding you back from unleashing your inner potential. Let go and move on.