There is this idea out there in the world that “the one” will take you as you are and you will not change and nor will they want to change you. I disagree greatly. Now before you come for me, hear me out. I know I have never been in a relationship but I do know how the world works. And every single day, we change to adapt or to feel fulfilled. We can’t help it at all. So, when we fall for someone and we truly want them … we will change to make them happy.
Human beings are very social and there is no way we won’t adapt to fit into someone’s wants and needs. Unless you have absolutely no need for them.
People want to feel loved. If your significant other started saying good morning to you every day after learning that you love it, doesn’t that mean they love you? Yes, it does. They are changing this one part of their morning to suit you. But how much change is too much change and how much is not? Where do we as human beings draw this line?
I have no idea.
I just know you have to take care of you and you can’t lose yourself along the way. If you feel emotionally drained after speaking to them, it’s probably because they are draining you. Nowhere does it say you have to become the therapist for your SO. Remember who you are. Don’t lose yourself trying to please someone else. If you need space then take it – you deserve it. You have every right to step away.
Look, I know being in a relationship means caring about the other person. But the person that’s ALWAYS gonna be with you is you. No one else knows all that you will do for others other than you. Take that from someone who has been in many abusive friendships and had a rough childhood. We who have been hurt learn and I assure you – when you love someone there is nothing on earth you wouldn’t do for them. Loving is complicated, we want to see the best in people and we never want to fail them.
Our biggest mistake is when we paint them as someone else. When you love someone, you tend to wipe out all the things we hate about them or aren’t so pleasant. When you love someone, remember who they are. And if you catch yourself forgetting, move back and remember that you as well as they have flaws.
The last thing you need is falling and loving someone simply because you need something to believe in. And if you are doing this … step back now. It won’t even be on them if you get hurt, it will be on you. As John Green said, “What a treacherous thing it is to believe that a person is more than a person.” – Paper Towns.