I’m 22, and I have officially possessed the title of “girlfriend” for three months now.
The label used to make me skittish. A reason why I ended relationships almost before they began. I downloaded, deleted and then redownloaded dating apps. I also did a shameful amount of ghosting as soon as anyone tried to schedule a first date. I thought, Maybe this just isn’t for me.
Then, while studying abroad in Ireland, I met my boyfriend. I was nervous about going out with him, but I never thought about breaking it off. I liked him so much that I learned how to be an adult for him. I clarified my boundaries, asked about his and stepped outside of my comfort zone while still acknowledging my anxiety.
Even though common sense seemed to dictate that this relationship wouldn’t last, I decided to trust my emotions. Today marks one month since we started our long distance relationship. We’ll be celebrating Valentine’s Day on two different continents, but we still want to celebrate. It’s my first Valentine’s Day as anyone’s girlfriend, which is a milestone for me.
We’re in two different time zones that are six hours apart, so finding a time that works for both of us can be difficult. When I’m waking up, he’s already in the middle of class. When I’m in class, he’s having dinner. When I’m asleep, he’s… Well, he’s usually still asleep.
For Valentine’s Day, we decided that I’ll stay up late and he’ll get up early. We’ll cook dinner together (virtually), following the same recipe for fettuccine with white wine sauce. We’ll pop open our own bottles of Prosecco and pretend we’re sitting together in front of the fire. We’ll Netflix party a rom-com. When he visits later in the month, we’ll exchange presents.
I’m careful with avoiding saying things like “when we’re together,” because we are together. Although there’s some physical distance between us, we’ve never been more together emotionally. We’ve made a commitment to each other to be honest, have fun and be emotionally available. Long distance isn’t an invitation to be lazy or uninvolved in each other’s lives.
Every week, I write him a letter. Although we can text whenever we want, taking the time to write a letter reminds me of the importance of continual effort. I try to include something extra each time.So far, I’ve sent stickers, drawings, and a package of pop rocks. For Valentine’s Day, I’m sending him a handmade card and a playlist I’ve made for him. I have to send it several weeks in advance if it’s going to make it across the ocean in time. My letter-writing time has become to feel almost like my own mindfulness sessions.
Compared to the whirlwind adventure of dating in a new country, coming home to a long-distance relationship sometimes feels anti-climactic. Time constraints take a lot of the spontaneity out of it. For example, we have to schedule our calls. Missing him feels less like a romantic yearning and more like an everyday frustration. Despite this, it’s still exciting and worthwhile because it’s him.
I’m celebrating my first Valentine’s Day, not as somebody’s girlfriend, but as his girlfriend. That makes every mile we’re apart worthwhile.