I started off my college journey strong by moving into my dorm, drinking three full water bottles a day, walking everywhere on campus, meeting new people and trying out all the activities I could think of. As time has gone on and many days have become repetitive, my brain has been looking for a change and a sense of home. Although I did my best to make my dorm room feel as comfy as I could, I have a hard time feeling a sense of home in a room with yellow painted walls and tile floor. I left my own room back in Iowa and now have to share a space with my roommate, have a larger social life than I did in high school and don’t have anyone to motivate me to keep going. These new experiences were a jolt of energy at the beginning of the year but now are sucking the energy out of me.
Before going to college, no one talks about how vulnerable a large amount of new experiences, environments, acquaintances and routines can make you feel. If you moved from out of state like I did, you can probably relate to the fresh start being refreshing and exhausting at the same time. Not knowing where businesses are in the city and having to use Google Maps everywhere I go is scary. Normally in the city I grew up in, I never had to use Google Maps, but if my phone died here in Kansas City, I wouldn’t be able to get back to my dorm.
Living in a dorm with a roommate has also led to my burnout over the past three months. While in my room at home, I could completely let my guard down. My double chin could be completely out, my hair/makeup could look all sorts of crazy or I could be sleeping completely naked. Those examples may seem a little TMI but those are things that happen when I’m alone in my own room. My roommate and I get along well and are both able to let our guard down for most things. However, when living with someone else in a single room, it’s a sign of respect to somewhat keep yourself together when they are around. You still have to evoke energy and socialize with your roommate even when you don’t feel like it.
Other than experiencing a new environment, there are new decisions that have to be made once you are in college. All of my life decisions have been for me, from kindergarten to senior year. While in K-12, I knew where I was going after every single school year, and only had to make small decisions about the activities I was in. Now that I am in college, my decisions are influenced by what is going to help me succeed in the future while also having fun in college. I realized that I have to use my time wisely over the next three years. The activities I join, classes I take and the people I meet may have an effect on my success in the future. The stress of knowing my actions now have larger consequences has added to my burnout.
I have been able to keep pushing myself to continue working towards my personal, educational and professional growth by looking at everything in a positive light and knowing that there is a reason for everything. There have been many denials, realizations and lessons learned throughout the past three months and I know that there will be more to come throughout my entire college career. All of the new things that I have been experiencing have already made me a stronger student and young adult. Although there have been many ups and downs, I know that at the end of the day, they will help me get through challenges in the future.