Balancing all aspects of your life can be quite the challenge. Whether these commitments are for school, work, extracurriculars or volunteering, everyone tends to have their plate full. Why is it, then, that we still continue to add to our busy schedules in order to avoid peer conflicts and please others? Speaking from personal experience, people pleasing is a shadow that has constantly loomed over me as I make decisions. However, I realized that this part of my lifestyle needed to change. Here are some reasons as to why saying no to someone is a more than acceptable option.
- Physically Relieving
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Juggling an already busy schedule should be reason enough to allow yourself to say no to always covering someone’s shift or helping a friend move houses. Adding more to your schedule further tires you after a day that has already felt exhausting. Accepting that shift and helping your friend move may seem like the right decision to avoid conflicts by disappointing them. In the end, though, their responsibilities should not be your responsibilities on a regular basis. Helping friends from time-to-time is definitely the basis of a healthy friendship; however, always prioritizing their feelings and responsibilities can be physically taxing on you. Instead, offer suggestions as to how they can approach their situation more independently. Give your body the physical break that it needs to recover from your busy lifestyle.
- Mentally Cleansing
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Aside from physically reducing your load, saying no to something that inconveniences you provides numerous mental benefits. When I first started allowing myself to say no to my friends, I felt guilty for not being there to make their life easier, but I reassured myself that making their life easier left me feeling as if my life was harder. Every time you sacrifice your time to constantly please others, you are exhausting your mental strength. Instead, consider how not covering your coworker’s shift on a few occasions will give you time to focus on yourself. Give yourself time to recover mentally by meditating, reading a book, doing yoga or anything that slows the wheels of your fast-paced lifestyle.
- Confidence Boosting
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The initial feeling of rejecting someone’s favor is gut-wrenching. I would question whether I was a reliable friend for not being there at all times or whether I was being selfish by choosing myself over them. I realized that I needed to find a balance between being there for my friends and being there for myself. Saying no to friends half the time means saying yes to yourself for the other half. Internal happiness is what fuels your everyday outlook and relationships. By not focusing on yourself, helping others seems more of a chore. Saying no and prioritizing yourself boosts your confidence by showing you that you are in charge of your own decisions. You decide what your priorities are and how you will cater to others’ well being without compromising your own. Personally, after saying no to my friends on occasion, it felt like a small victory because I had given myself a voice. I had physically relieved myself of someone’s responsibility. I had allowed myself to invest time in my mental health. Most importantly, I showed myself that it’s okay to prioritize myself instead of constantly pleasing others.
Recognizing that you have this similar habit of never letting your friends down is not the difficult part; addressing this problem and being assertive is where the challenges and guilt may stem from. Reassuring yourself that catering to your individual needs is just as important, and more beneficial in the long-run, than always prioritizing others’ needs is what will bring about the change. Next time you feel pressed to take on more responsibility, think about how you will feel as well. How will it affect you and your wellbeing? Always saying yes is the conflict-free route, but occasionally saying no is the door that leads to taking back control of you.