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How to Dress for Success as Told by my Dog

As the semester wraps up, we are quickly approaching internship and summer job season.


I have interviewed Lexington’s most distinguished fashionista, my best friend and roommate, Riley Harper.  The interview is recorded below:


Kellsie: Thank you for joining us today.


Riley: Thank you for having me.


Kellsie: So, Lexington is dying to know your thoughts on spring fashion.


Riley: I have to say the most important thing to keep in mind is to wear black.


Kellsie: Black?


Riley: Black.  Everything and anything.  It does not matter if that happens to be leggings or work uniforms or even capes.  As long as it is black, the maximum amount of dog hair can be visible. This way if you happen to forget to post a picture of your dog on Instagram, which in itself is social suicide, everyone you see will be reminded of the most important aspect of your life.


Kellsie: Fascinating.  And what advice do you have for the readers concerning dresses?


Riley: Do not wear them.


Kellsie: At all?


Riley: Only if they have pockets and only if you wear shorts underneath them.  They also need to be made of chainmail. Anything else is simply horrid.


Kellsie: And why is that?


Riley: Why would you ever wear an article of clothing that does not even have pockets for treats and toys?  Owners never run or roll in the grass in a dress because they are always so worried about showing their underwear.  Do not make this same mistake and opt for shorts underneath your outfit or just flaunt it. And finally, never wear a fabric that can be torn by long nails.


Kellsie: Truly amazing.  We are almost out of time, but is there any last-minute advice you want our readers to know about?


Riley: Only wear leather shoes, they taste better.  Leave crumbs on your shirt. Never waste money on a lint roller.  I have not worn a bra or pants in nearly two years and no one had said anything less than call me “adorable.”  


Kellsie: There you have it, Lexington.  The hottest tips and tricks for this spring’s fashion brought to you by my dog, Riley Harper.

"You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at." -Tina Fey
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