To All the Friends I've Lost Before

We’ve all lost friends through the years and though we may try to remain unbothered, it’s not an easy thing to go through.

 

Last year, my friend group was literally split in half. I went from having nine friends who I thought I could rely on for anything, to only having four. Though we no longer speak, there are still some things I’d like to say to all the friends I’ve lost before.

 

First, I want to say thank you. Thank you for listening to me complain about every stupid thing I let ruin my day, helping me through breakups, letting me cry to you as I struggled to deal with my parents’ divorce and always making me laugh when I was done to help me feel better.

 

Thank you for growing up with me and helping to shape me into the person that I am today.

 

Thank you for all of the amazing times we had, whether we were just hanging out in one of our basements or running through the Magic Kingdom to be the first ones in line for Space Mountain; we always had so much fun together.

 

I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you. Sometimes I forget that we’re not friends anymore and that I can’t just pick up my phone and text you.

 

I’ll see something that reminds me of you and think to myself, “I have to tell _____ about this,” and then realize that I can’t. It continues to blow my mind how quickly we were able to go from best friends to complete strangers.

 

In the past, losing you never even crossed my mind as a possibility. I always thought you’d be the bridesmaids at my wedding and saw our future kids being best friends too. Now, I probably won’t even know when you get engaged.

 

Even though I do not regret our friendship, it hurts to look back and remember all of the times I confided in you, sharing my most personal secrets. I can’t help but wonder if you actually cared, especially towards the end.

 

It breaks my heart to know that at one point you pretended to like me instead of simply telling me you didn’t want to be my friend anymore. I want to know why things changed and when you decided our friendship wasn’t going to work out.

 

How much of it was fake? It sucks to know that to you, I’m not even worth the explanation.

 

Despite our situation, I still wish you all the best in life.

 

I hope that in the future when an old picture of us shows up in our Facebook memories, we will be able to look back and remember all of the good times we shared instead of just the tragic ending.