The world is filled with some truly awful ideas. Nuclear weapons, fast food restaurants, the Twilight Saga. The list goes on and on, but no matter how bad the idea actually is, people are quick to think that they’re easy solutions to our problems. Why use diplomacy when you can nuke your enemies? Why make dinner when you can go to McDonalds and eat enough Big Macs to kill a horse? Why go see a good movie when you can go see Kristen Stewart make one expression for an hour and a half?
This same idea applies to the infamous “friends with benefits” relationship. Why go through the trouble of a relationship when you can have all the awesome sex with none of the commitments? It’s fool proof! But whoa, slow down there, Speed Racer. You must always remember that no good thing comes without a price. Eating delicious burgers results in not so appetizing stomachs. Nuking the ever loving crap out of the
Earth results in cannibal zombie mutants (though that is pretty cool). And producing a movie about sparkling vampires results in…well…the Twilight movies. And in a “friends with benefits” relationship, you might find that having casual sex with your good guy friend may end up with more tears than orgasms.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Before we move on I think it’s important to define what a “friends with benefits” relationship actually is or—more importantly—what it is not! A “friends with benefits” relationship is when two friends engage in a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. It is not to be confused with a “booty call” where you don’t necessarily have to be friends with the person you’re hooking up with. (See Figure 1)
So you find a guy friend who’s perfect for the job. He’s cute, he’s cool, and most importantly he’s willing to have ludicrous amounts of sex with you without getting attached. So you guys hook up, and at first it’s great. You’re not looking for a relationship right now and neither is he. You guys can go to the same parties and hook up with someone else if you want, because after all, you guys are friends and just friends…
But wait, who’s that girl he’s talking to? Are they making out? Well, this sucks. You thought you were going to be the one making out with him. What does she have that you don’t? You’re prettier than her anyway, so why would he be making out with her? Is he going home with her now? Fine. Whatever, it’s not like you care. You’re just friends anyway…right?
Boom. That’s when you realize it.
You’ve developed feelings. Perhaps you’re not alone. Maybe the guy will develop feelings too? Maybe. Maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt and teach me the meaning of life. The chances are very unlikely though.
Why is this though? Why would a guy prefer to be friends with benefits with you rather than commit to a grown up relationship? Though there is no exact answer, I would probably say it would amount to one of the following reasons:
1. It’s easy – You two already know each other so he doesn’t have to go through the process of getting to know you or charming you. You already know he’s cool so it’s easier for him.
2. It’s convenient – Assuming you two are in the same group of friends, he’ll probably be seeing you at the same parties, bars, what have you. He might as well be hooking up with you too. It’s a convenient way to have sex without the hassle of trying to meet and pick up women.
3. He’s not that into you – He might just be attracted to you strictly on a physical level. Why wouldn’t he hook up with you every chance he got?
If these reasons seem like something you’d be okay with, then maybe a friends with benefits relationship is for you. However, the reality of the situation is it’s bound to fail more times than it succeeds. No matter how perfect the situation looks, people have emotions. People get attached. And people get hurt. Guys and girls alike. So if you are getting attached, talk to the guy about it instead of continuing the relationship. It’ll save you both a lot of misery later.