This past summer I thought I found the one. Yes ladies, the one. The one who made me believe in some sort of love feeling. The one who made my heart do backflips when he would call, text or FaceTime me when he “missed me.” The one who would hold me when I drank too much wine, the one who made sex more passionate and intimate. The one I could take home to meet my parents and grandparents. We met on Tinder about a week before I went on family vacation, he waited 2 whole weeks before we went on our first date and told me when he first saw me that I was completely breathtaking. He did have some baggage though: divorced and moving to Denver, CO in the following months for the launch of his new marketing firm. Although this was something that should have definitely been red flags for me, I shook them off thinking that this would be just a fling, but I was entirely wrong.
In those months that we were seeing each other, I completely fell for him. Although him being divorced and moving would have originally been a problem for me, that didn’t matter because I liked him. I liked this man a lot. Like a whole lot. But, I ignored the biggest red flag of them all, his emotional unavailability. I tried to show him why I wasn’t like his ex-wife, why I wasn’t like those other women on Tinder, showing him that I cared, that I entirely lost myself. Lost who I was, trying to be someone that I was not. Although the age difference wasn’t crazy, he was in a different place in life than I was. I am a college senior, going to nursing school, while he was a professional, moving to CO for his job. We’d be thousands of miles away from each other, it would never work out. But I still tried. After he left I called, texted, snap chatted him everyday, to make it work. After effort wasn’t being reciprocated, I gave up. I was heartbroken, thinking that I wasted my time on someone who wasn’t the one.
Ladies, we all think we can change someone. Change the way they view relationships, change their stance on relationships and change the way they love, but let me tell you: do not ignore red flags. These are indicators that shout out, hey, maybe I shouldn’t be going down this path with someone because of this, or that. We do not want to waste precious time on people who are not ready for us. Not ready for the love we can give and for the commitments we are ready for. Emotional unavailability is the biggest red flag someone can give you. If they give you excuses why they aren’t ready for relationships but you are thinking that maybe they’ll change their minds, WALK AWAY. Do not waste your time. You’ll end up wasting your time and energy on someone who isn’t ready. Just because you’re figured out and ready to love, it doesn’t mean people are ready for that. You being the amazing woman you are, won’t make a difference to a man that isn’t ready. Effort needs to be reciprocated and if it’s not, then boy bye. You are too beautiful and too smart to waste your heart, because you’re Beyoncé, be Beyoncé.