I’ve been proudly single for 4 years and can honestly say that I’m happy. I used to think all of my life that if you weren’t in a relationship, then something clearly was wrong with you. I used to think that relationships would make me happy. I used to think, unfortunately, that a relationship defined who you were. There’s always been a sense of pressure on women that if you aren’t in a relationship that something is wrong with you, especially when you hit your 20s.
Ladies, I know when the holidays roll around you always have family members that ask, “So, are you seeing anyone, sweetie?” Then, you have to tell them that you aren’t and that you’re single. I know that when my grandma asks me if I’m seeing anyone, I always dreaded telling her that I wasn’t. There’s always a sense of disappointment when you tell family members that you’re single. Of course, they’re proud of your other accomplishments like getting good grades, landing an internship, getting into graduate school, getting a job, etc. So, why is it that being in a relationship is more important than all of the other great accomplishments?
A relationship doesn’t and shouldn’t define me or shine over my other accomplishments. I’m not saying either that if you are in a relationship that it defines you because it doesn’t define either of my best friends nor does it define my mother. It’s the societal pressure of not being in a relationship that apparently defines you. Yes, we’ve changed over time and supported those that are single, since we see successful stars that are single like, my girl, Zendaya, but there’s still the question of, “So, when are you going to start dating?,” or “Are you seeing anyone?,” or my favorite “Well, there’s always someone out there, you just haven’t met them yet.” It’s the mindset that if a woman isn’t in a relationship that she isn’t successful or happy.
I don’t need a relationship to be happy. A relationship isn’t going to make or break me. Who I am is not defined by being in a relationship. I don’t need a relationship to be considered successful because all of my past and future accomplishments make me successful. This isn’t me saying that I don’t want a relationship, but me saying that I don’t need one. Yes, there is a difference. A relationship is not a necessity to me, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a want of mine. If Prince Charming comes my way, then I’m not going to turn him away. If Prince Charming never comes my way, then that’s okay because I’ll still be happy with my life. A relationship isn’t the end all be all because honey, you’re still going to be happy and successful with or without one.