Tell Him What You Want In Bed, Seriously.

So many of my fellow female peers are relentless at telling me, “They just don’t know what I want and what feels good to me, and then I end up faking it till it’s over.” Then I follow up with, “Well, do you tell them what you want?” and that’s when their minds are blown, and the answer every single time is, “Well, no.” There is this notion that women aren’t allowed to communicate what they like and don’t in the bedroom, that they are supposed to just pretend like their sexual partner is doing it for them (stems for misogynistic culture but another topic for another time). Then we walk away feeling unsatisfied, and that’s such a bummer, especially when you are someone who enjoys sex thoroughly.

Well, from experience, this is how I started out, and I am pretty sure most can agree with me. Then, there was a period in my life when I started to not enjoy sex. That’s right ladies: I DIDN’T ENJOY SEX. It was a very, very sad time in my life. I, then, reevaluated what exactly I needed and what felt good to me during sex, I internalized it and promised myself that if I were going to have safe, consensual sex, that I would tell the guy exactly what I wanted and what would make me reach climax, because ladies we ALL DESERVE TO CLIMAX, and to communicate this honestly. And guess what my beauts? IT WORKED.

Every single time I engaged in sexual behavior with another person, I communicated what exactly felt good, although, at first, it felt awkward telling the guy, like I’ve stated, it’s ALSO ABOUT YOU TOO. Tell him that he needs to kiss your neck, tell him that you need him to shift left: communicate these things with him. Guys, unfortunately, are not mind readers, so, therefore, they are going to do things that they have done before that you may not feel comfortable with or need more of, and he’s not going to know that until you actually say something about it. When you do tell him what you want and what feels good (and he ACTUALLY LISTENS), then this liberating thing happens, almost euphoric: you actually are satisfied at the end.

Sex is something shared between two consenting adults, an act of pleasure and satisfaction (and procreation, but I think most of us don’t want kids right now). Sex is meant to be enjoyed between those two people, not just one, both. Communication opens up a line where both people are able to maturely discuss exactly what they want and are expecting, so I encourage my fellow peers to open this line of communication with themselves and their partners, because if you want your sex life to become more pleasurable and enjoyable, you have to be honest with yourself and your partner. Remember my beauts, stay bold and stay true (and communicate).