“Change is inevitable, why hold on to what you have to let go off…”-Jhené Aiko
As we approach the spring season, we have come to the point in the year where we have to actually follow through with the resolutions that we made back in January. One of the most important things to do during spring is to simply begin detoxifying your environment. It is crucial to remove anything that is inhibiting your opportunity to grow. But, before that can happen, it is essential to identify what needs to be removed. One of the ways to start this process is to detoxify your circle of friends. Here are a few signs of a struggling friendship that may need to end or be re-adjusted.
1. Some struggling friendships start out pretty strong and healthy but eventually become one-sided. You might find yourself scheduling lunch dates and other opportunities to hang out, but the other side doesn’t really seem to make an effort.
2. A struggling friendship includes a friend who will most likely try to one-up you at everything you attempt to do. They are prone to highlight your flaws and diminish your dreams and goals, instead of supporting them and offering constructive criticism. Here’s a tip: Believe what people actually say, not what you think they might mean.
3. Various struggling friendships are wishy-washy, meaning that you can never predict the other’s behavior. They constantly make empty promises or excuses for why their attitude towards you tends to change depending on the environment.
4. It’s important to watch out for the friendships that are opportunistic. This usually refers to someone who only comes around when it’s convenient for them. It’s pretty common for a struggling friendship to have the factor of constantly asking for something instead of offering another.
5. It’s very common for a struggling friend to disappear for days, weeks, and even months at a time, with no real explanation. These people tend to cancel plans the day of, or within 1-2 hours before the outing. Real friends will value your time and make a conscious effort to effectively communicate with you.
6. One key sign of a struggling friendship is that someone will consistently do things that they know will hurt you. For instance, they could insult you privately or publicly and try to mask the insult within a joke. They may flirt with someone as soon as they know that you’re interested. They could also frequently ignore text messages and phone calls but continue to be active on social media.
These types of negative friendships lure you in by telling you about their problems, using them as an excuse to disrespect you, hurt your feelings, disappoint you, or emotionally abuse you. Some struggling friends only make friends with people out of convenience and are comfortable being miserable. They only seek to make everyone around them miserable as well. If you are still on the fence about cutting off a struggling friendship, think about the last time you shared an accomplishment with them. Were they happy for you, did they congratulate you, or instantly change the subject in order to highlight your flaws?
One of the most important things to do in order to cultivate healthy and meaningful relationships is to set boundaries. If you are currently in a struggling friendship, it’s possible that these individuals would probably be better off as acquaintances.
Remember this: “We accept the love we think we deserve”-Perks of Being A Wallflower
Once you make yourself a priority by taking time to really enjoy your own space, it will become easy to avoid struggling friendships. I think struggling friendships come into our lives to teach us something we didn’t know about ourselves, and about life in general. The most valuable lesson I’ve learned from a struggling friendship is to believe their actions over their words. In this cut off culture, it is important to give people chances, but some people might not be very truthful in their words. Instead, their actions tend to reveal their true intentions.